eschatological | [psl] post-mortem; closed to @destinymaker

"Suited." [ He shakes his head. ] I told you that our contradiction was a refutation.

[ Rau tugs his hand free, leans in and presses the fingers hard over Gil's heart, like he wants to claw after Rey's bullet up to the wrist. It is ungentle, implacable. His head dips low, so that his mouth is an inch from Gil's ear. He does not raise his voice, but the words spill out with fierce, absolute conviction. ]

We were a perfect test of "destiny" — if "can" and "should" and "suited" and the matter we're made of could define the world, then he and I would be one and the same. But he was better than the filth, [ the word is a snarl, ] that he was spun from, or perhaps we — [ his free hand taps the bridge of the mask and the face that Rey never grew into; it is a palpably self-loathing "we" that encompasses the predecessor and the self, but not the might-have-been successor ] — were worse than what we were made of.

In either case, he and I, [ not "we" this time, ] are the ultimate proof that "suited" is meaningless, that "destiny" cannot force the world's maladies back into a box. And that is the identical part of the rejection that he and I offer: humanity will only and always "want."

[ He inhales sharply, exhales just as sharply, then pulls free, stands back again and recomposes the usual facade. One hand settles at his hip, the other pushes stray wisps of hair from his face, repairing the tiniest cracks in the stone veneer. After a moment, he smiles broadly and brightly but thinly, his fangs hidden away again; his voice is back to steady politeness. ]

It is only human for you to want, to dream. I do not reproach you for dreaming itself.

But it was foolish to think that you could save anyone else from the same.

... you are disappointed in me.

[ Despite all the harshness in Rau's words, Durandal does not sound hurt. It's a soft-spoken surprise, almost wonder.

He's seen the way the mask slipped just now and he's ready to dig his claws into it and never let go. To be disappointed in someone, you need to have let them in first. Durandal never once believed that Rau thought ill of him - he's not the kind of person who would waste his time on one he didn't find entertaining. Beyond the mere advantage that Durandal's knowledge as a geneticist provides, their friendship was genuine. There is no doubt in his mind. It's just Rau's ceaseless determination towards the end of the world that is harder to break through.

And here, where there's no world left to end, he's willing to take some chances with it.

No longer wanting to be looked down on, Durandal rises to his feet and stares straight into Rau's eyes as best as he can with the mask in the way. ]

Seems like you and I will keep wanting even in death. Into eternity, bound to the curse of our humanity.

[ In a perfect world, Rau would have never been born. Durandal would never have allowed for another tragedy like his very existence. Yet as is, he lived and he lived so fervently that is was mesmerizing. ]

Then let me want all over again. A paradoxical desire that has killed me once before.

To make you happy.

Edited 2023-10-07 23:27 (UTC)

[ The mask’s relative inscrutability usually a tiny bonus to hiding a face he hates, but it’s a nice bonus right now. He’s closer to perplexed frustration than disappointment—the perplexed frustration of never quite being able to kill Mwu, of never quite being able to break Kira Yamato, of not being able to make someone see the world as he does. He has said it so many times, that people will always desire, that desire will spiral into hatred and destruction until there is nothing left to destroy. And yet there is that handful that resists.

He shakes his head. ]

You really are incredible. Even after walking a bloody path to defeat, you still believe that there has to be something wonderful out there — somewhere, somehow, someday.

[ Gil smiles. Smiling is second nature to him - he has found out very early that smiling is the path of least resistance towards his goals. It's because mankind will keep on wanting that it finds itself drawn towards one who can make promises. ]

I'm afraid I'm incorrigible that way. Greedy and selfish.

[ Gilbert Durandal is a man who can both make and believe in those promises. That may just be his worst quality. ]

As long as my consciousness still exists, I'll keep striving. I've never learned how to settle for less.

Good grief. Talia was right, you are a rascal.

[ But where Talia said the word tenderly, Rau says it dryly, with a hint of chiding exasperation. ]

[ Hey, don't quote his ex-girlfriend-current-something at him when he's trying to profess... something to you. That's not fair.

It does a whole lot to defuse the weird intensity though. ]

That makes for one thing you two can agree on. A wonderful start.

[ Rau's lip quirks at you two, and an eyebrow raises invisibly behind the mask. ]

Greedy, even for you.

To want you to get along?

[ Durandal will raise an eyebrow very visibly. If you think he's implying something more, then say it out loud, he dares you. ]

[ That's cute. Rau will pick that gauntlet up and tear it to pieces. ]

To want both of us.

[ And he walks past Gil, sits back on the couch leisurely, lets the words linger for a moment -- and then goes for the kill. Every word is perfectly amiable and reasonable, and every word is sharp as a fucking knife. ]

She would never have stayed if you won, if you really made that world.

[ It stings because Rau is completely correct about it. Gil experienced it on the road to his plans, the way Talia was slipping out of his grasp to the point where she seemed to consider even voicing her disapproval to him a waste of time.

Wanting her had always been another paradox to begin with. In an ideal world the two of them might have never met, for their genetic incompatibility would have been instantly apparent.

And yet.

There's a lot of 'and yet' in Durandal's head, it turns out. For a man who hates getting hurt, he does love putting his hands into fire.

One such fire is in front of him now, and even if Rau's words sting, Durandal is still going somewhere with this. He won't be so easily deterred. ]

And you would never have stayed with me under any circumstances, possessed by your drive towards destruction as you were.

[ He's being petty for the sake of making a point. ]

It seems to me then that all I'm doing is dreaming of impossible options - unless, of course, you're saying that's not the case now?

[ In the back of his mind he realizes that this is a ridiculous conversation to have when they're both dead and this liminal space might just disappear around them any minute. (And yet.) ]

Life was simple. All things are born, and all things die.

[ But it’s an excellent question, really. Rau’s very life was a testament to the human capacity for wild and unchecked desire, of selfishness, of the quest for immortality; at the same time, pain and untimely death were seared into every cell before he ever drew breath. He has lived in a world where human desire kindled into envy and hate then spiraled outward into an inferno of destruction. Oh, certainly, he appreciates that individuals are capable of goodness, even greatness. Though it’s irritating to admit, certain of those individuals have been able to protect humanity from itself, for a year or two at a time. But human desire is infinite, inexorable. It only takes one spark, one envious or hateful man, to fire a nuclear warhead or a wave motion gun, and in the great mass of humanity there are so very many envious and hateful men. Rau has absolute conviction that humanity will reach the end of that scorched and bloody path sooner or later.

But.

Here they are, having reached the end and continued onward. Individuals, cut off from the nightmarish mass of humanity. And although the mass is predictable, the individual is not.

Which is to say that Rau doesn’t have a proper answer to the question he’s really being asked. And because he doesn’t have a proper answer and is not pleased by his own lack of a proper answer, he’s going to toss out a tantalizing diversion instead. ]

And I have seen only one impossible dream come true.

[ Nothing about his imperturbable pose or tone gives the feint away — it flows perfectly smoothly, follows logically. But it is not a proper answer. And that, in its own oblique way, is as much of an answer as Gil is going to get for the moment. ]

[ Well, he hadn't expected Rau to give him a straight answer to begin with. Even death can't have made it that simple - or rather, death may have complicated the matter even further. They'd spend their lives navigating the complicated constraints of the mortal realm, of politics and people. Now, they are unbound and remain as nothing but their own pure essences. Where does one go from there? Durandal doesn't even know what exactly he's offering, he just knows that he's not going to pass up the chance for it.

Instead of sitting back down across from Rau and assuming their regular positions again, Durandal crosses over to Rau's side and sits next to him. They're not touching, no. He makes sure to leave ample space between them. It's not like he wants to drive Rau into a corner, either physically or mentally.

He's just demonstrating a possibility, one movement at a time. ]

Oh, have you?

[ In turn, he'll allow the conversation to progress on Rau's terms. ]

That's an unusually positive admission.

[ Deflection success, for now. Physical proximity isn't a bother, particularly when the reality of the bodies involved is dubious. In fact, the only reaction the move elicits is Rau turning his head, and that's because he wants to watch Gil's expression as he continues mildly, with the tiniest hint of teasing: ]

Ulen Hibiki's dream.

[ Kira Yamato is a pest, but he was a pest to Gil more recently than he was to Rau, so, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ]

[ Gil's lips curl, somewhere between distaste and amusement but leaning harder on the latter. ]

Of course.

[ Kira Yamato is an interesting individual in... well, he can't call it the worst way now. Rey seems to have gotten something out of it, in any case. Still. ]

Though the dream in question would deny it. He'd rather lay claim to ordinary humanity. It's not often that people are clamoring to consider themselves failures.

Admitting it to the world would cause a bloodbath beyond anything George Glenn set in motion. Admitting it to himself....

[ Rau shrugs, minutely. ]

Those wings can only carry so many burdens before they snap. He and the young lady will learn that the hard way.

[ And if he smiles juuuuuust a bit, Kira did impale him and then slam him into a nuclear explosion. ]

[ Durandal agrees with Rau. Though Lacus Clyne is a formidable opponent who holds the hearts of the masses in the palm of her hand, ultimately her plans for the future are uncertain and that uncertainty is going to be hard to stomach in the long run. Even Rau's nihilism provides more security than that formless hope and compassion that shines through all of her songs.

Still... ]

I wonder what it'll take to finally make it sink in. You and I weren't enough to break them - how far into the future are they going to carry their momentum?

[ Durandal does not wish for the world to collapse on itself and end just yet, so until a more viable option arises, those two should hold out. Even if he's too petty to truly cheer them on. ]

Not that it is any of our business anymore.

Edited 2023-10-11 23:56 (UTC)

Oh, but I've been concerned with humanity's wellbeing too long to stop now.

[ Concerned about ending its wellbeing, ayyyy. He turns his head up to look at the blank, dark ceiling, and continues musing. ]

They have the momentum of idealistic gadflies. Responsibility will slow them.

It will. It slows everyone.

[ He's been having a very decent time as a politician before his ambitions killed him - but that doesn't mean that it wasn't a major shift from the freedoms he enjoyed when he was still actively working as a geneticist instead. ]

The songstress has the charisma for it, at least. Maybe this time she'll put it to use herself.

Rather than you putting it to use for her?

[ Rau turns back to look at Gil again, resting his chin in one hand. His lips quirk up at the corners; this is, for him, blatant razzing. ]

Really. Even if you hadn't tried to remake the world, they would have opposed you just for that girl's outfit.

[ A swimsuit and gloves honestly. ]

It was popular with the soldiers.

[ Please, he ran this through a whole marketing brain trust! Slander the outfit but not his efforts in creating mass appeal! ]

And she helped pick out the details, so don't think too ill of me.

[ He didn't think Meer would be quite so thrilled to lean in on the sex appeal factor but if there's anyone in the world who's all in on that angle, it's Meer Campbell. ]

[ Popular, it's a good thing that Rau has practice not laughing at multiple PLANT chairmen, because that is a delightfully understated way to say "a militia largely composed of teen- and twenty-somethings appreciates perky bouncing Haros." ~~Why is there a Love Live squatting on my LJ-era Meer username this is outrageous it's unfair.~~ ]

It's a shame -- I did enjoy the young lady's early work, but it loses something in the change of style.

[ Forget being dead, the most surreal thing about this conversation is mister mutually-assured-destruction's completely honest appreciation of Lacus's music. Although he's only sharing that for the purpose of continued heckling. ]

... I still listen to her songs myself.

[ It makes for excellent background music to his deliberations on Rau, half hallucination and half endless flashback. Maybe the man himself doesn't need to know that. And how many exact times some secretary has walked in to find Mizu no Akashi playing on endless loop... well, that's nobody's business. ]

But that allure is exactly why the style change had to happen. If our new tracks had been mere imitations, then the loss in quality would have been much more readily apparent.

[ An image change is the perfect excuse for some inconsistencies that slip in here and there. ]

Besides, something more energetic is better as a call to action.

[ RIP to all that Lacus stood for. ]

Edited 2023-10-13 20:22 (UTC)

"A call to action." It worked very well, for a time.

[ Complete honesty there, too. PLANT and its chairman had unprecedented global support after Destroy's attack on Berlin, without any of the domestic squabbling that Rau saw (and enabled) in the Clyne-Zala era. ]

If you had stopped with destroying LOGOS, you might be alive, admired by the world.

[ Rau looks at him quite squarely, his smile thin but wide, and about as fond at he gets. ]

But you would not be yourself, if you could have stopped there.

[ That is a good expression. It makes Gil want to reach out and take that mask off Rau's face so he can meet his eyes properly. ]

No, I'd never have stopped.

[ His smile is warm.

Destroying LOGOS was doing the world a favor, but it was not enough to right the path mankind had been on. A world that allowed for such a mistaken existence as LOGOS in the first place could not have been allowed to continue existing unchecked. ]

We're both stubborn this way.

[ Too bad being dead doesn't stop Rau from hating his face. ]

Oh, forcing humanity to abandon its desires is much more stubborn than helping humanity do exactly what it wants.

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