eschatological | [psl] post-mortem; closed to @destinymaker

[ That's cute. Rau will pick that gauntlet up and tear it to pieces. ]

To want both of us.

[ And he walks past Gil, sits back on the couch leisurely, lets the words linger for a moment -- and then goes for the kill. Every word is perfectly amiable and reasonable, and every word is sharp as a fucking knife. ]

She would never have stayed if you won, if you really made that world.

[ It stings because Rau is completely correct about it. Gil experienced it on the road to his plans, the way Talia was slipping out of his grasp to the point where she seemed to consider even voicing her disapproval to him a waste of time.

Wanting her had always been another paradox to begin with. In an ideal world the two of them might have never met, for their genetic incompatibility would have been instantly apparent.

And yet.

There's a lot of 'and yet' in Durandal's head, it turns out. For a man who hates getting hurt, he does love putting his hands into fire.

One such fire is in front of him now, and even if Rau's words sting, Durandal is still going somewhere with this. He won't be so easily deterred. ]

And you would never have stayed with me under any circumstances, possessed by your drive towards destruction as you were.

[ He's being petty for the sake of making a point. ]

It seems to me then that all I'm doing is dreaming of impossible options - unless, of course, you're saying that's not the case now?

[ In the back of his mind he realizes that this is a ridiculous conversation to have when they're both dead and this liminal space might just disappear around them any minute. (And yet.) ]

Life was simple. All things are born, and all things die.

[ But it’s an excellent question, really. Rau’s very life was a testament to the human capacity for wild and unchecked desire, of selfishness, of the quest for immortality; at the same time, pain and untimely death were seared into every cell before he ever drew breath. He has lived in a world where human desire kindled into envy and hate then spiraled outward into an inferno of destruction. Oh, certainly, he appreciates that individuals are capable of goodness, even greatness. Though it’s irritating to admit, certain of those individuals have been able to protect humanity from itself, for a year or two at a time. But human desire is infinite, inexorable. It only takes one spark, one envious or hateful man, to fire a nuclear warhead or a wave motion gun, and in the great mass of humanity there are so very many envious and hateful men. Rau has absolute conviction that humanity will reach the end of that scorched and bloody path sooner or later.

But.

Here they are, having reached the end and continued onward. Individuals, cut off from the nightmarish mass of humanity. And although the mass is predictable, the individual is not.

Which is to say that Rau doesn’t have a proper answer to the question he’s really being asked. And because he doesn’t have a proper answer and is not pleased by his own lack of a proper answer, he’s going to toss out a tantalizing diversion instead. ]

And I have seen only one impossible dream come true.

[ Nothing about his imperturbable pose or tone gives the feint away — it flows perfectly smoothly, follows logically. But it is not a proper answer. And that, in its own oblique way, is as much of an answer as Gil is going to get for the moment. ]

[ Well, he hadn't expected Rau to give him a straight answer to begin with. Even death can't have made it that simple - or rather, death may have complicated the matter even further. They'd spend their lives navigating the complicated constraints of the mortal realm, of politics and people. Now, they are unbound and remain as nothing but their own pure essences. Where does one go from there? Durandal doesn't even know what exactly he's offering, he just knows that he's not going to pass up the chance for it.

Instead of sitting back down across from Rau and assuming their regular positions again, Durandal crosses over to Rau's side and sits next to him. They're not touching, no. He makes sure to leave ample space between them. It's not like he wants to drive Rau into a corner, either physically or mentally.

He's just demonstrating a possibility, one movement at a time. ]

Oh, have you?

[ In turn, he'll allow the conversation to progress on Rau's terms. ]

That's an unusually positive admission.

[ Deflection success, for now. Physical proximity isn't a bother, particularly when the reality of the bodies involved is dubious. In fact, the only reaction the move elicits is Rau turning his head, and that's because he wants to watch Gil's expression as he continues mildly, with the tiniest hint of teasing: ]

Ulen Hibiki's dream.

[ Kira Yamato is a pest, but he was a pest to Gil more recently than he was to Rau, so, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ]

[ Gil's lips curl, somewhere between distaste and amusement but leaning harder on the latter. ]

Of course.

[ Kira Yamato is an interesting individual in... well, he can't call it the worst way now. Rey seems to have gotten something out of it, in any case. Still. ]

Though the dream in question would deny it. He'd rather lay claim to ordinary humanity. It's not often that people are clamoring to consider themselves failures.

Admitting it to the world would cause a bloodbath beyond anything George Glenn set in motion. Admitting it to himself....

[ Rau shrugs, minutely. ]

Those wings can only carry so many burdens before they snap. He and the young lady will learn that the hard way.

[ And if he smiles juuuuuust a bit, Kira did impale him and then slam him into a nuclear explosion. ]

[ Durandal agrees with Rau. Though Lacus Clyne is a formidable opponent who holds the hearts of the masses in the palm of her hand, ultimately her plans for the future are uncertain and that uncertainty is going to be hard to stomach in the long run. Even Rau's nihilism provides more security than that formless hope and compassion that shines through all of her songs.

Still... ]

I wonder what it'll take to finally make it sink in. You and I weren't enough to break them - how far into the future are they going to carry their momentum?

[ Durandal does not wish for the world to collapse on itself and end just yet, so until a more viable option arises, those two should hold out. Even if he's too petty to truly cheer them on. ]

Not that it is any of our business anymore.

Edited 2023-10-11 23:56 (UTC)

Oh, but I've been concerned with humanity's wellbeing too long to stop now.

[ Concerned about ending its wellbeing, ayyyy. He turns his head up to look at the blank, dark ceiling, and continues musing. ]

They have the momentum of idealistic gadflies. Responsibility will slow them.

It will. It slows everyone.

[ He's been having a very decent time as a politician before his ambitions killed him - but that doesn't mean that it wasn't a major shift from the freedoms he enjoyed when he was still actively working as a geneticist instead. ]

The songstress has the charisma for it, at least. Maybe this time she'll put it to use herself.

Rather than you putting it to use for her?

[ Rau turns back to look at Gil again, resting his chin in one hand. His lips quirk up at the corners; this is, for him, blatant razzing. ]

Really. Even if you hadn't tried to remake the world, they would have opposed you just for that girl's outfit.

[ A swimsuit and gloves honestly. ]

It was popular with the soldiers.

[ Please, he ran this through a whole marketing brain trust! Slander the outfit but not his efforts in creating mass appeal! ]

And she helped pick out the details, so don't think too ill of me.

[ He didn't think Meer would be quite so thrilled to lean in on the sex appeal factor but if there's anyone in the world who's all in on that angle, it's Meer Campbell. ]

[ Popular, it's a good thing that Rau has practice not laughing at multiple PLANT chairmen, because that is a delightfully understated way to say "a militia largely composed of teen- and twenty-somethings appreciates perky bouncing Haros." ~~Why is there a Love Live squatting on my LJ-era Meer username this is outrageous it's unfair.~~ ]

It's a shame -- I did enjoy the young lady's early work, but it loses something in the change of style.

[ Forget being dead, the most surreal thing about this conversation is mister mutually-assured-destruction's completely honest appreciation of Lacus's music. Although he's only sharing that for the purpose of continued heckling. ]

... I still listen to her songs myself.

[ It makes for excellent background music to his deliberations on Rau, half hallucination and half endless flashback. Maybe the man himself doesn't need to know that. And how many exact times some secretary has walked in to find Mizu no Akashi playing on endless loop... well, that's nobody's business. ]

But that allure is exactly why the style change had to happen. If our new tracks had been mere imitations, then the loss in quality would have been much more readily apparent.

[ An image change is the perfect excuse for some inconsistencies that slip in here and there. ]

Besides, something more energetic is better as a call to action.

[ RIP to all that Lacus stood for. ]

Edited 2023-10-13 20:22 (UTC)

"A call to action." It worked very well, for a time.

[ Complete honesty there, too. PLANT and its chairman had unprecedented global support after Destroy's attack on Berlin, without any of the domestic squabbling that Rau saw (and enabled) in the Clyne-Zala era. ]

If you had stopped with destroying LOGOS, you might be alive, admired by the world.

[ Rau looks at him quite squarely, his smile thin but wide, and about as fond at he gets. ]

But you would not be yourself, if you could have stopped there.

[ That is a good expression. It makes Gil want to reach out and take that mask off Rau's face so he can meet his eyes properly. ]

No, I'd never have stopped.

[ His smile is warm.

Destroying LOGOS was doing the world a favor, but it was not enough to right the path mankind had been on. A world that allowed for such a mistaken existence as LOGOS in the first place could not have been allowed to continue existing unchecked. ]

We're both stubborn this way.

[ Too bad being dead doesn't stop Rau from hating his face. ]

Oh, forcing humanity to abandon its desires is much more stubborn than helping humanity do exactly what it wants.

[ It's a nice face and Al La Flaga has lost all rights to it in a tragic imaginary court case. It's fine. (Is this inconsistent with Gil's own philosophy of genes? Maybe a little!) ]

'Abandon' is such a harsh word. It's not as though I would doom mankind to exist eternally unfulfilled. I was merely leading it towards the simplest path to happiness.

[ That depends on one's definition of happiness. Rau tugs off one glove, holds the bare hand out in front of him and examines it in the faintly curious way that normal people might check their nails. Without the usual pain, it is a good hand for pulling a trigger, or maybe a good hand for playing piano. ]

And the soul that performs its functions well is blessed and happy?

[ Everything old is new again, and still, certain people would vehemently disagree. ]

... it has to be.

[ If making mistakes and choosing the wrong path hurts this much, then the right path must be the one that leads to bliss, right...? If not, then what is the point? Why is life worth living? Why should life exist if it only leads to suffering?

The face Durandal is making is more vulnerable than one he might have shown if asked this question in life. With Rey's rejection (Rey's beautiful, beautiful rejection) fresh in mind, his certainty is waning. ]

Edited 2023-10-15 19:34 (UTC)

[ Hmm usually smashing worldviews is more fun than this, this is kind of a bummer. Still, Rau has no problem emotionally kicking Gil while he’s down if it nails home that “if clone number two refuses to be the same person or do the same things as clone number one, then genetic determinism has some serious kinks to work out.” ]

Yet Rey and I are proof that it is not. At least, if individuals have such a “function,” then you did not find it in the matter they are made of.

[ His bare fingers press into the familiar motion of cocking a non-existent handgun, then into the unfamiliar motions of a few piano chords. Then he flexes his hand flat, simply examining it again. ]

But what a dreamer that boy turned out to be. You’re a terrible influence.

[ He says this very conversationally, without turning his head… but, he takes advantage of the mask to watch Gil’s reaction to the last bit in particular out of the corner of his eye. ]

[ The chess pieces on the ground catch the light from the fluorescents in interesting angles, and that is where Durandal's gaze is drawn now. The board has been wiped clean, literally and figuratively. He's asking Rau to start over in death, so logically it should follow that he needs to offer the same readiness.

(He's not entirely certain he can. There's a significant part of him that, once questioned, wants to collect his pawns from the floor and return to the game. He hasn't won yet. He hates leaving without winning.)

But when Rey unleashes his last comment, as casual as it is pointed, Durandal's lips quirk into a lopsided smile. ]

I won't apologize for that. I'm quite proud of him.

[ Acknowledging defeat is hard, except for where it is so very easy. Rey could have done anything to him and Gil would have never thought to be angry.

He turns his head back to Rau and exhales softly.

There are counter-arguments he could make to Rau's position. The world as is remains a world that allows for mistaken paths. Just because Rau and Rey may have an identical ideal function does not mean that the circumstances of their lives didn't push them away from it, but...

Maybe the fact that he loves both of them so dearly, with all their differences (because of all their differences), is the greater damnation of his ideals in the end. ]

He grew to believe in a future neither of us can see. Perhaps foolish, but I won't reprimand him for it.

It is a child's perspective. In particular, the perspective of a child whose world once changed for the better, and who believes it can happen again.

[ No shift to his conversational tone or posture, but hm, Rey's capability to choose to be himself and better raises questions about whether Rau could have been more than an avatar of humanity's worst impulses at least as much as it challenges the viability of genetics as the basis for a social structure. But they are dead, so these are not questions that need to be answered. He slips the glove back on. ]

Whether foolish or not, you're correct that I cannot see it.

[ It's exactly what Durandal is thinking - that if Rey can learn hope, even that naive kind of hope, then it's within Rau to do the same. Years and years of anger and disdain may have left his brain ill-equipped for it, but it's not impossible to restructure.

They no longer need to believe in any future at all, here, but... ]

It was you, who changed his world before.

[ The two of them together, in the end. However, Rau was the one to give Rey comfort in the cell that passed for his room on Mendel, and it was because of Rau that Rey was taken along with Durandal when they abandoned Mendel for good.

Rau, Rau, and Rau again, giving his other self a better life. ]

You played your own part in making him a dreamer.

And I didn't even let him burn the place down behind us.

[ Another dry deflection, but gosh, what an indictment of humanity that pulling a sobbing kid out of a deteriorating cell is inspirational. At least Rau and Gil agree that people can be absolute dickbags when given free rein.

Rau shifts to look at Gil squarely, draping one arm over the back of the couch and resting his head in one hand. ]

But there it is. Our identical rejection to your plan to save humanity from itself: that people will always, uncontrollably "want." Our opposing rejections: that this "want" will be either damnation or salvation. And in our disagreement, the refutation of your means.

Check.

[ But not checkmate, as damning destiny generally has all those personal implications. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject