eschatological | [psl] post-mortem; closed to @destinymaker

Entry tags:

[psl] post-mortem; closed to @destinymaker

[ This office has always been quiet, but now the silence is unnaturally absolute. The usual ambient sounds have all vanished — the muted rumble of feet and serious voices beyond the door, the hum and crackle of electronics, the omnipresent pulse of Aprilius’s environmental support systems. But, then again, there’s no reason for the environmental support systems when the familiar noises of breath and heartbeat have ceased as well.

Two armies of chess pieces lie toppled and abandoned on the floor, leaving the low table bare save for the empty board. Rau sits languidly on one of the two wide sofas with his chin in a gloved hand. Even though he’s corporeal now (or as corporeal as anything in this scene, which is to say, gentlemen of the jury, ambiguously), the dim light and the white of his mask and uniform combine to give him an uncanny, still-ghostly appearance. He shows no interest in the scattered chess pieces. Instead, he is waiting very patiently, intently, for.... ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Mhm...

[ Yeah, Rau hadn't seemed like a person who has lived a halfway orderly life in a facsimile of the living world for the past two years. ]

Maybe our perception of 'time' and 'space' is likewise tied to our togetherness - it's setting a stage for an interaction of souls that would otherwise be harder to navigate. I am just coming up with a mass of hypotheses of course.

Hypotheses. [ Rau laughs, the sound rumbling through his chest. ] You're too much of a scientist. We could simply walk to opposite sides of the room and see what happens.

[ But he's not making any effort to get up. He really is tired, and it's been a long time since he was this comfortable. ]

Coming up with hypotheses beforehand can streamline the testing process.

[ Conversely, it can introduce bias that falsifies results. Gil immediately amends it in his head, but he's not going to sabotage his own argument about... cuddling just to be as accurate as possible. ]

You can't tell me you don't enjoy thoughtplay, either.

[ "Thoughtplay" makes it sound kinda dirty. Which maybe it is, for the two them? In any case, Rau shrugs, which is an admittedly odd gesture when lying on top of someone. This whole conversation is odd for lying on top of someone, this whole conversation is odd, this whole manner of existence is odd, the two of them are odd. Oh well. ]

I wouldn't be here if I did not.

[ It's less indifferent than it might sound on the surface, given that I'm here most recently led to dropping his mask and fingerbanging. ]

But it reaches a point where thinking only leads you around in circles.

[ He props himself up on one elbow, uses his free hand to trace a lazy spiral on Gil's clavicle. ]

It's a very enjoyable circle, to be fair.

[ Rau's finger on his skin, that is. But also the empty banter they're having, the endless speculation about a situation they have far too little data on. All of it keeps them right here, pressed up as close as human beings can be.

It's low risk high reward to stay right where they are, enjoying something they never had in life.

... and that's the true core of all this. Not laziness, not enjoyment.

Fear.

Realizing it makes Gil pause and frown. He does not verbally elaborate on that. ]

[ Rau hums, deliberately letting the sound vibrate between them, and brushes his free hand against Gil’s cheek. ]

You think I’ll disappear if you take your eyes off me.

[ How pathetic must his expression have been, for Rau to give him that kind of comforting touch? Troubling thoughts to consider.

Unfortunately, it is pointless to lie here. He will have to continue being pathetic for just a moment. ]

Not by your choice. I trust you.

[ Rau said he's here. Said he'd witness what Gil would show him. Rau isn't tired of him yet.

But the world... has the world ever been kind to his relationships? ]

Still, the worry remains.

[ On some level, Rau is absolutely amused by the bleak thought, even if it puts his existence in theoretical peril. He’s an asshole, that way.

He places his hand over Gil’s eyes. (He is fairly certain that Gil has blinked since arriving; it is not a terrible existential threat.) ]

[ Gil exhales. A small smile re-enters his features. What a silly little test. ]

You're right here.

[ To illustrate, he raises a hand and runs it over Rau's back - from the neck down to the small of it. ]

I cannot see you, but I can feel you, smell you, hear your breath... You're all around me.

[ He can't taste him, but Rau may have that covered on his end. ]

[ Rau arches into the touch with an almost-imperceptible sigh. He cranes his neck so that his breath will tickle at Gil's ear. ]

Not all around you.

[ Interesting. Now that the ice has been broken for good, physical affection is getting much better responses than anticipated. Gil laughs. ]

All in due time.

[ It really is too bad that even with his absolute best efforts and many sleepless nights, Gil could not have brought Rau's living body to this level of comfort. A thought that holds equally true for horny and for sentimental reasons.

What a segue in conversational tone, though. ]

This is... one way to assuage my insecurities, for sure.

[ It's too amusing to keep dwelling on anxiety, at least. ]

You can continue hypothesizing, and I can continue experimenting, [ he drawls, as though the hand on his back was nothing. ] It's not sight or touch or taste individually. [ His hand slips away from Gil's eyes, and Rau brushes a forefinger over Gil's lower lip instead. They went plenty of time without touching, to say nothing of tasting. ] Smell seems unlikely.

[ He folds his hands over Gil's chest again, rests his head on them, looks at Gil with innocuous seriousness. ]

It could be hearing. But you'd be bored if I were quiet, in any case.

Terribly so.

[ Gil nods, and puts some playful emphasis on the words, but it is true.

He's long ceased to be able to exist without their conversations - a desire so forceful it either tied Rau's soul to his or caused him to hallucinate a whole lot. Maybe both, in some irritatingly intertwined mixture. ]

You're quiet when listening to me though, so we have that one covered. Unless the ambient noise of your breath is our tether...?

[ Doubtful, but pretty romantic as a thought. Gil runs his hand in lazy circles over Rau's spine, not with with any real intentionality behind it. It's just nice. ]

I think not, unless first-generation Coordinators were fixated on genes for particularly superhuman hearing.

[ That touch is a bit distracting, but he can't really complain when he was doing the same thing to Gil's chest a moment earlier. ]

You can't rule out distance.

[ Is it a quasi-scientific observation or an invitation to stay like this? Both, given that Rau still can't be bothered to get up. If Gil stopped talking, Rau might be bored, but he also might just fall asleep. ]

Maybe I should hold your hand for the rest of our afterlives, just in case.

[ Can't get too far away if you're literally attached to each other!!

He doesn't mean it, though. They'd both find that kind of stifling proximity to be absolutely unbearable. Gil shakes his head mildly, still smiling. ]

It's truly unfortunate that curiosity is going to get the better of us sooner or later.

I'm beginning to doubt your scientific rigor.

[ Mostly deadpan, with extra dead. "Just in case," uh huh. He lowers his head again, so that his arms are the only thing between it and Gil's chest. ]

That shower is at least as pressing as curiosity. If you're expecting a shower nearby, that is.

I am. Though... if my expectations are based entirely on my real knowledge of the place, it might be a bit of a walk of shame.

... provided one feels shame for this, which I am currently lacking.

[ Nothing's ever been as right and as deserved as falling into a heated pile with Rau Le Creuset. Sue him.

And do other dead souls even frequent this place? If they leave the room, maybe. But this office? That is a sacred place designated only for them. Gil can't imagine it any other way, nor would he ever will it differently.]

But for experimentation's sake, we should decide on a familiar bathroom and envision it as we head for the door. Maybe we can take a shortcut.

[ Because they're skin-to-skin and only because they're skin-to-skin, Gil will feel the faint flex of muscle as Rau stifles a laugh at that -- otherwise, it just manifests as a small huff of breath. ]

Quite literally, "wishful thinking."

[ But despite the teasing words, he's clearly interested. There's a thoughtful pursed thinness to his smiel, and his eyes -- he's still out of practice remembering to be disciplined about what he does with his eyes -- are slightly narrowed, watching Gil carefully to gauge whether he really thinks it's worth testing. ]

[ Rau should always be laid bare to him like this. Gil doesn't think he'll ever get tired of watching his minute reactions. ]

Precisely. And the worst that can happen is that we'll feel about as sheepish about it as we would have in life.

[ So yes, he does think this is worth testing. Having a perfect 1:1 geographic recreation of Aprilius One in the metaphysical sphere really seems just as likely or unlikely as being able to impact their environment with their thoughts. ]

And though you seem convinced that this is primarily my realm, I wouldn't discount the impact of your consciousness just yet, so I'd say for a first test we should coordinate and pick the same target.

[ If that is successful, solo teleportation experiments should follow. But for now... ]

You're a bit more familiar with my house on Mendel than my current one, but I still vote for the latter.

[ We're not going to shower on Mendel, that's just weird. ]

But I had such an interesting time returning to Mendel.

[ His attention has snagged on the place for a moment. The words are deliberately lazy and his mouth slips into a very benign and very artificial smile, but at the same time Rau's nails dig into skin and his shoulders tense, just a bit. An interesting return, but intense and not altogether good. This position is relaxing but terribly bothersome for a conversation; so many of his lifetime of tricks for masking his mood are useless. ]

[ Gil doesn't know what exactly happened to Rau on Mendel during the war. Rau was already such a distant figure then, consumed by fighting and rarely in touch... It was a time when Gil felt like Rau was slipping out of his hands, when he no longer felt certain what Rau was thinking...

Very unlike now, when the tension is perfectly obvious and Rau's body is an open book. ]

The situation is interesting enough already. We can spare that bit of excitement.

[ Gil's tone is perfectly even, not betraying any concern.

To Gilbert Durandal, Mendel had simply been a workplace. A colony he'd lived and researched on for a few years. Nothing about it disgusts him viscerally, even as he'd walked to work past fetuses in formaldehyde.

But Rey had nightmares about it, when he was little and just came to live with Gil. Gil remembered sitting at his bedside until he fell back asleep.
And Rau hates it with every fiber of his being, the birthplace of all his misery.

No, Mendel may not disgust Gil in the same way, but he holds no love for a place that causes his precious people so much anguish. They don't need to return, not even in their minds.

Gil runs his hand up Rau's spine, coming to rest on his shoulders. ]

The only thing left to expect of that place is its complete collapse anyway.

[ Rau arches up into the touch over-exaggeratedly. His smile stretches real and wide and glinting with teeth for a moment before it shifts into a deliberate, calculated frown. Mendel really gets his inner drama queen going -- a temple to unfettered desire and yet so spectacularly mundane, simultaneously a vehicle for myopic fear of death and for relentless optimism about the potential of the species as a whole, a place where dreams were bought and sold. What a wonderful, sordid microcosm of humanity. ]

All your fascination with "destiny" and you don't want to hear what happened at that place.

[ His voice is affectedly, theatrical playful, inviting Gil to follow him down the rabbit hole. The same way he lured Mu and Kira into the core laboratory facilities, really, just less voluminous. And with fewer bullets, although his nails are still sharp against Gil's skin. ]

And here I was, trying not to pry. I should have known better.

[ Gil does not need a whole lot of bait to go down that rabbit hole. He's been wondering for quite a while - knowing that there was a major battle with the Three Ships Alliance right there at Mendel, knowing that Rau was there... How could he not have contemplated the event? He'd been meaning to ask Rau personally, way back when. A naive little intention, soon to be crushed. In reality, he'd never meet Rau alive again. ]

Tell me, then. What happened, Rau? A place of encounters. The colony where we first met. How did it go, your final return?

[ Two can play at being overdramatic. Gil's always been fond of pathos anyway.

But he'll settle to listen, attentively clinging to Rau's every expression while his fingers idly run through the tips of his hair. ]

[ Oh no, hm, he has once again slightly miscalculated -- Gil has such an inconvenient ability to yield sincerely and apologetically where a less confident person would push back and bluster. Rau would very much like to tell Gil about the wildly improbable (fated, destined!) encounter with Mu and Kira. The drama! But he's not interested in having that conversation while naked, that's just too weird.

He frowns in a slightly unfocused way that makes clear that he's more fussed by the predicament than with Gil's words or actions in particular, then shrugs slightly. ]

You'll need to get up, first.

[ At this point, they have cooled off enough that getting up, cleaned and dressed is starting to sound actually appealing. ]

Well, I would. But you happen to be on top of me.

[ Signaling his actual intent to leave their cuddlepile, he removes his arm from Rau with one last teasing poke to his side. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject