eschatological | [psl] post-mortem; closed to @destinymaker

[ It's easy to tell when this shifts from a necessary and temporary discomfort to genuinely pleasurable in part because Rau’s breathing goes from slow and carefully controlled to looser and shallower, and also in because Rau starts going exploring again. One hand skims down Gil’s spine to the small of his back, the other down his sternum. Nothing too distracting, he’s invested in Gil staying focused on the task at hand, but it seems like a waste to have all these nicely-defined Coordinator muscles and not feel them up at least a little bit.

It's also easy to tell when Gil hits the prostate. Rau shivers slightly, his eyes falling closed and his mouth falling open, and groans out a self-satisfied, ]

Yes.

[ That first word of unqualified affirmation tumbles out before he can shape it into something clever. Oh well. If keeps his fingers moving more or less where they are, Rau thinks he can live with it. ]

[ Gil is maybe more pleased than is strictly warranted to have finally gotten Rau to drop the nonchalant facade and enjoy himself more openly for a moment. So of course he keeps his fingers at precisely this angle to the best of his ability - he wants to see Rau lose himself to pleasure even more than he wants to get off himself.

Having figured out the perfect spot to keep massaging, leaves Gil with more bandwidth to focus on other things, too. He decides to make use of it by kissing Rau's neck as he keeps moving his fingers, and if he leaves marks... They're dead, who's going to care?

He's going to be content to keep going like this until Rau either stops him or he notices Rau getting a little too close to climax. ]

[ Rau isn’t going to tell him to stop, even though he’s increasingly realizing that he either overestimated his ability to compartmentalize pleasure as well as he did chronic pain or underestimated Gilbert Durandal’s capacity to be both methodical and shameless. Possibly both. He really should have just done this himself, shouldn’t have let himself get this vulnerable when Gil is still relatively clearheaded – but then there wouldn’t be that electric current building in his gut, or the contrast of cool air and warm lips on his neck. Rau’s hand at Gil’s sternum slides down and wraps around Gil’s cock again, stroking slow and loose in a bid to make this less one-sided. The nails at the small of Gil’s back dig in every time Gil’s fingers press in deepest, a cat’s claws kneading into skin by grasping reflex.

And eventually his heavy breaths turn into undisguised panting, and that panting catches in Rau’s throat and turns into rough, quiet groans. He gives up on getting Gil off and settles that hand on Gil’s thigh for balance instead. His grip is too tight to be pleasant, but he’s beginning to clench around Gil’s fingers, too, which suggests tight grip isn’t wholly intentional. ]

[ Oh, how tempting it is to simply keep pushing until Rau's nails draw blood from his thighs and he's completely spent. Bringing Rau to climax with his hands and feeling him shiver in his arms... He's definitely tried to entertain that fantasy once or twice before, just to be halted by an inability to imagine it realistically enough.

Now Rau is right here, and Gil can observe it all. Restrained but not shy, quiet but heated... It's hotter than it has any right to be, and focusing on it really makes Gil's dick ache for attention again. Attention he won't get in quite the way he wants it, if he allows Rau to finish here.

So he slows his fingers instead of keeping up the pressure, and then removes them entirely. Almost apologetically, he follows it up with a nibble to Rau's pulse point before drawing away from his neck as well. ]

Mhmm, I think you might be sufficiently relaxed now, no?

[ Gil tries to keep his voice even, but it still comes across pretty clearly that he's wound up and straining to suppress his overwhelming sense of need.

... that does not mean his lovesick yet self-satisfied smile isn't kind of obnoxious. ]

Edited 2023-11-22 20:05 (UTC)

[ His nails dig in hard for a moment as Gil withdraws, and he tsks with unsuppressed frustration. When Rau sits back to stare Gil in the face, he looks very much like he’s deciding between murder and just taking Gil’s dick immediately -- his brows are knit but his pupils are blown wide, his teeth are slightly bared but his lips have been kissed red. The flush in his cheeks has spread to most of his front, and a light sheen of sweat has left strands of blond hair clinging to his neck and temples. He looks almost nothing like the poised, pale, well-guarded figure who waited for someone to enter the room.

He doesn’t like that Gil can sit there and speak full sentences and smile, however adoringly, while Rau is on the brink. There's a nagging feeling of being off-balance, vulnerable. He should take this moment to pull back, find something that will shatter Gil while Rau collects himself -- but he wants to come on Gilbert Durandal’s too-clever fingers. Want, want, want, whatever problems tomorrow brings be damned.

He takes Gil’s face in both hands, inhales deeply to steady himself. ]

If you don’t finish, I really will find a way to kill you again.

[ With significant effort, it comes out reasonably steady, although his voice edges on a growl. And then Rau kisses him to forestall Gil from saying anything lovesick or self-satisfied or both. ]

[ ... oh, curses, how is one to refuse when asked so nicely?

However much the kiss is merely a measure to shut him up, it still feels like a reward to Gil. He opens his mouth readily, no longer terribly concerned with just how sloppy their makeouts may get. All he wants is for his tongue to entangle as closely with Rau's as it possibly can.

He's distracted enough by sighing into their kiss that it takes just a second until he can align his fingers just right again, but once that is sorted out it's right back to a relentless massage of Rau's most vulnerable point. He'll worry about things like refractory periods later - having seen Rau like this, look at him with such desire, it would be impossible to refuse him anything.

And if Rau's already asking for a climax here, then there's no reason to not sneak his free hand round front and stroke his cock as well. Occasionally, he'll circle the tip with his thumb. Yes, if Rau wants to come here, then Gil is going to give him the most stimulating finish he can manage. That's the unrelenting nature of love. Probably. ]

[ That's a lot. Forget underestimating being methodical and shameless, Rau underestimated fucking Gilbert Durandal's fucking too-clever hands. It doesn’t take much of that for Rau to come hard, his whole body shuddering between Gil’s hands. He loops his arms around Gil’s shoulders to keep himself upright as it rocks through him in waves, breaks off kissing to rest his forehead against Gil’s. He never quite reaches the point of vocalizing, but every breath that punches out of him ends on a low and throaty groan.

When he finally stills, he settles in Gil’s lap, blinking back dazedness and starting to steady his breathing. He needs a moment to recover, for the last pleasurable frisson to dissipate. Then he’ll deal with whatever problems he may or may not have walked into. ]

[ Gil removes his fingers from Rau's body and lets go of his cock, instead settling for casually wrapping his arms around his waist in a loose embrace. If his own erection weren't throbbing with a painful need, Gil would have liked to encourage Rau to fall asleep just like this, still sticky and sweaty. They'd both be sure to regret it a few hours down the line, but... ah, Rau is just beautiful like this. Exhausted by pleasure, curled up in Gil's arms like he belongs here.

Gil can't resist, he presses a small kiss onto Rau's hair. Other than that, he's content to remain in silence for a bit so Rau can gather himself. It's only after Rau's breathing has normalized some more that he speaks up. ]

... I still really want to fuck you.

[ If it's too soon, he'll understand and let them figure out something different, but he'll absolutely lord it over Rau for the promise of a next time. ]

[ He has to take a beat before he can react, but his index finger brushes the underside of Gil’s cock, and although his voice is still a little low and slow he manages to respond with a reasonable recreation of his usual dryness: ]

I could tell.

[ He pushes himself back and sits upright, shaking out his arms and testing his own steadiness. He’s still slightly too loose-limbed and pleasurably electric to ride Gil as hard as he’d like -- and he’s had Gil on edge too long for it to last even if he did. But the trouble, relatively minor as it is, is that he’s not inclined to let Gil hold this over him.

Well. There are ways to deal with both.

He runs his tongue over his own lips. Nothing too bruising there, and if there was, it would be his own doing. It’s a workable change of plans. He pushes Gil’s shoulder lightly, directing him to lie back this time instead of outright pushing him into place. But he has no doubts that Gil will do it -- Gil's smart enough to pick up on the lip-licking. ]

[ With the way even the feathery touch of a single finger can make him shudder, Gil is not particularly inclined to argue about Rau's plans either way, but the silent promise is alluring enough that he also wouldn't want to.

Without delay, Gil shifts his position so he can lay down sideways on the couch instead of leaning against the backrest. After having had his hands and mouth busy for so long, he feels almost exposed just presenting his naked body and waiting for Rau to take action. His chest is rising and falling intensely, anticipation running through every part of his body like a current. He wants to tell Rau to hurry up, but he doesn't really want to betray his neediness like that. Endless words of love are one thing, begging is another. ]

[ It takes Rau a moment to nestle between Gil’s legs; he has to pull up neglected memories of how long limbs are meant to fit together, and he’s still too pleasantly light to hurry. He traces the marks he dug into Gil’s thighs before propping himself up on his elbows and watching Gil thoughtfully. There’s the perpetual inclination to tease and agitate and make Gil work for it, but Rau frankly isn’t sure he has the focus for it right now. And, in any case, he’s fairly certain that he can take Gil completely apart the more direct way.

He runs a finger up Gil’s length again, this time starting just below the balls and ending with a small, tight circle over the tip. He keeps his eyes on Gil’s face through the movement, evaluating, testing preferences and reactions. Then, without warning, he dips his head and retraces the same path with his tongue. ]

[ Rau's tongue runs over Gil's dick and his fingers instinctively dig hard into the fabric of the couch. It's a little annoying, how sensitive he feels right now, but they've been going at this for a while and his body has nearly exhausted its patience. His breath catches in his throat when Rau's tongue approaches the head and that final circle gets what could be described as a low whine. ]

Rau...

[ It's not begging, it's just saying a name with a sense of aroused urgency. Different entirely. ]

[ Rau glances up through his lashes and laps at the head again. That’s a nicely needy sound, but he’s fairly certain that he can wring out better. He tucks his hair behind his ear, flicks his gaze down again, and swallows several inches in one wet, hot go. He pulls up again slowly, curling his tongue around the shaft and circling the tip before dipping down again. This time, he curls his hand around the base, pulling fingers up as his lips sink lower. It takes a bit of concentration and self-restraint to not let his teeth scrape slightly, but Gil has been playing nice -- Rau can and will keep this up as long as necessary. ]

[ Oh no, Rau is good at this. It doesn't come as a surprise anymore, after all they've already done, but it is still delightful to have confirmation. Gil wishes he could burn the sight of Rau between his legs into his mind properly, but the position doesn't lend itself to a view. Instead, he finally allows his eyes to fall closed and to only focus on sensation. And what sensation it is - Rau's mouth is hot and willing, treating him like he's delicious. He'd like nothing more than to let himself be devoured.

One of Gil's legs sort of wraps around Rau as he writhes under him, a barely conscious attempt to gain additional closeness. It's not long until every labored breath is punctuated with a vocalization, half gasp half moan. Occasionally, it's Rau's name rather than merely incoherent syllables.

Whatever remains of Gil's willpower is spent on keeping the instinctive thrust of his hips in check. Some people may like it, but Gil thinks choking is one of the less appealing things that can happen during sex and he'd much like for both of them to be spared.

Lucky for Rau's jaw, it really isn't long until Gil is at the edge of climax. His legs twitch and his right hand finds its way into Rau's hair, loosely gripping at it without really pushing. ]

Rau, god-- Like this, just like--!!

[ There is no description he can give, because unless Rau is extra cruel to him now, the capacity for speech leaves him right after. ]

[ Rau’s rhythm does break for a split second when Gil’s hand settles in his hair, and his teeth scrape just for an instant. It isn’t cruelty, just don’t want to anything that goes even a fraction further toward control. But when that hand doesn’t press further, Rau hums approvingly, letting the sound vibrate a little in his mouth, and sucks down a little lower, self-satisfied and nearly-relaxed.

He picks up perfectly well on the twitch of the legs, the loss of coherency, and deliberately does not pull back as Gil comes close to climax. There aren’t really rules or fairness, but Gil was perfectly accommodating through Rau’s climax, and it’s not really unreasonable for Rau to do the same. ]

[ Finally, Gil manages to think, before his orgasm takes him with force. Finally he gets to finish, but also finally he and Rau have been united like this. Finally he has more than haunting and hallucinations and indulgent fantasies. Finally.

He digs his fingers a little tighter into Rau's hair, holding on more than anything. His moans are completely unrestrained through his climax, pure vocalizations of pleasure while all thought has disappeared from his mind.

When he's spent, he removes his hand and his arm falls limply at his side. His hair is all over his face, a particularly naughty strand is stuck to his mouth, and he's panting hard. Still, he forces himself to at least half open his eyes and glance at Rau. ]

... mhm. You're wonderful.

[ It's more of a mumble than one of his usual confident statements, and it's definitely about more than just oral skills. ]

Edited 2023-11-24 01:15 (UTC)

[ Rau wipes his mouth and pushes himself back into a sitting position. He should find something to clean himself up, but instead he lingers in the space between Gil's thighs. ]

You want things to be better than they are.

[ But there's no heat in it. It's difficult to seriously critique someone's optimism immediately after blowing them (though not as difficult as responding to the underlying sentiment). He drapes an arm over the back of the sofa and rests his head in the crook of his elbow, smiling faintly at the absurdity. ]

And all I've done is encourage you.

[ It's a very Rau-like response, but it still draws a breathless incredulous laugh out of Gil. ]

Really...? You're going to criticize my post-coital affection now?

[ Even nitpickiness has got to have some limits! Gil reaches up to brush some of his sweaty hair out of his face. Even moving that much feels like a waste of the relaxation that's come over him, so he gives up on doing anything more to make himself more presentable - and he's certainly not sitting up yet, give him a minute here. ]

"You're wonderful to me." Does that suit you better? Now it is a clearly marked subjective impression.

[ It could be criticizing himself, when Rey is living proof that things can be better than the matter they're made of, has seeded the thought that tomorrow need not be the same as today and yesterday. But saying that out loud would be terribly maudlin. ]

You're using tiredness and satisfaction as an excuse to say exactly what you mean.

[ Again, Rau will acknowledge and accept the sentiment without responding in kind. Not responding in kind verbally, at least. He's still settled between Gil's legs, showing no sign of intending to get up any time soon, and that will have to be enough. Even if Gil doesn't know it, it's been a long time since Rau simply stayed after sex, rather than slipping away to rifle through intelligence files or to avoid questions about his shaking hands or both. ]

[ Gil doesn't know anything about Rau's previous private life, it's true. Rau has always been an entity that existed in his life in fleeting bursts. In his office for a medical examination, in his living room to hear Rey play the piano for a while, on his couch to debate moral philosophy and listen to music... and then gone again, to train how to kill, to manipulate and lie, to fight a war of which Gil has never seen the frontlines as he remained on the PLANTs to treat the wounded upon their return. Whatever relations Rau may have had, whatever atrocities precisely he is responsible for... There's a lot that remains shrouded in mystery.

But Gil doesn't need to know about it in order to feel comfortable in this moment - to understand the trust that was necessary to make it happen. ]

Mhm... guilty as charged. Since I'd hope you're also tried and satisfied, I will ask you to forgive it.

Simply because I'm tired and satisfied, or because being tired and satisfied is your handiwork?

[ The faint smile extends to light crinkling at the corners of his eyes; he's not thinking enough to control expressions that would be hidden by a mask. He's not denying being satisfied, though -- if nothing else, it wouldn't be very believable after demanding to come on Gil's fingers. Rau really is more out of practice with physical affection than he realized. ]

[ That expression makes Gil want to kiss him again, and the only reason he doesn't is because figuring out how to untangle his legs to sit up properly is too much work. And maybe he shouldn't keep overwhelming Rau with attention either - that they made it this far feels like a small miracle already. How kind death has been...

Gil smiles, shifting a little to stretch his upper body and get even more comfortable. It's a shame he decorated for sterile professional vibes so there are no pillows available. ]

I thought the latter went without saying.

[ Rau is perfectly aware that this is a very silly conversation. Gil will continue to say ridiculous things, and Rau will continue to think they are ridiculous, and all that pushing back has accomplished is Rau implicitly conceding that he feels nicely fucked out for the moment. But banter is calming, familiar. And banter pushes back the need to consider and what next. ]

Mm. Forgiveness for services rendered.

[ He settles deeper into the sofa back, watching Gil not with outright fondness, but without real wariness or hostility or calculation.

Also not using icons has gotten boring. ]

Exactly. A fair exchange.

[ Though it's not like feelings of love require apology. Whether or not these emotions have been born from a mistaken timeline or not, their existence in the here and now isn't a source of shame to Gil. ]

It's been a while since I've been this comfortable. Not how I pictured 'resting in peace' though.

[ Comfortable. Rest. Peace. The concepts are almost alien. It's been a long time since Rau was this comfortable, as well, and not just because death finally halted the process of his body aggressively dying on him. A long time since he rested, rather than stoking fires. Much of that was his own choice, and he does not regret it. But he is at least as out of practice with comfort and rest and peace as he is with physical affection. His natural inquisitiveness and drive won't let him stay just like this forever, if only in part because at some point he will want a shower.

But for a little longer...

He sits up slowly, then settles so that he's lying stretched out on top of Gil -- his forearms folded over Gil's chest, his legs stretched out between Gil's. Rau settles his head on his arms, watching Gil with a small frown. He's not completely relaxed -- there's still some tension in his long limbs, he could push up and away at any moment if he wanted -- but he is mostly comfortable, mostly at rest, for now. ]

I was very tired, by the end.

[ He'd only admitted it to Fllay Allster, and only then as part of telling her what she wanted to hear so she'd deliver Freedom and Justice's data to the Federation. It's weightier here, saying the words for their own sake. ]

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