[psl] post-mortem; closed to @destinymaker

[eschatological]

[ This office has always been quiet, but now the silence is unnaturally absolute. The usual ambient sounds have all vanished — the muted rumble of feet and serious voices beyond the door, the hum and crackle of electronics, the omnipresent pulse of Aprilius’s environmental support systems. But, then again, there’s no reason for the environmental support systems when the familiar noises of breath and heartbeat have ceased as well.

Two armies of chess pieces lie toppled and abandoned on the floor, leaving the low table bare save for the empty board. Rau sits languidly on one of the two wide sofas with his chin in a gloved hand. Even though he’s corporeal now (or as corporeal as anything in this scene, which is to say, gentlemen of the jury, ambiguously), the dim light and the white of his mask and uniform combine to give him an uncanny, still-ghostly appearance. He shows no interest in the scattered chess pieces. Instead, he is waiting very patiently, intently, for.... ]

Comments

[destinymaker]

That will depend on the person.

[ It's hard not to think of Meer Campbell here, who so readily threw away all that she used to be in order to step into the skin of Lacus Clyne. Had Gil's assassination attempt not failed, he expects Meer would have abandoned her old name completely sooner rather than later.

It's also easier to think of Meer, than to think of himself. Rau's gaze is the only that Gil always threatens to crumble under. Helplessly bound by him just as the queen piece they're holding onto.]

I'd like to think I'm quite adept at basing my 'lies' in true circumstance.

[eschatological]

[ Feel better, Gil, you're talking to a guy who wears a mask and goes by Awesome McFakename; Rau really has no basis to be talking shit on this subject. ]

That makes it harder to detect, certainly. If a person takes "I sharpen the sword because an attack is conceivable" and says instead "I sharpen the sword because an attack is possible," no one will really call him a liar -- not even himself. And no one will argue the next day when "possible" becomes "probable," or the day after that when "probable" becomes "likely," or the day after that when "likely" becomes "imminent." And by the time he has struck the first blow in "self-defense," who wants to remember that conflict was not always inevitable?

I would, because it's fascinating. [ A smile here, people are just the best at being the worst. ] Perhaps you would, to be self-assured about creating a new and useful truth.

[ Rau withdraws his fingers from the chess piece. ]

I suspect Lacus Clyne would remember; she spent a rather long time playing at being ornamental without forgetting the power she held. But for the rest... [ Another small wave of the hand at the various chess pieces. ] It's very tempting to believe a comfortable lie.

[destinymaker]

Precisely. That's why the likes of us are suited for leadership, however troublesome one may find that aptitude.

[ God knows Lacus Clyne has tried to run and hide from it, but it seems her destiny has caught up with her. Gil thinks he's allowed to find that funny. He'd been trying to relieve her of it, too. Steal that destiny for himself, through the means of his little puppet singer. If Lacus had graciously accepted the stage exit he'd prepared for her, then she would have been able to escape it all.

Not anymore.

The Destiny Plan had been meant as liberation for humanity, as a relief for all. But if it instead wraps around to being a personal prison for just one woman, one opponent Gil could not beat... Well, he's not going to complain too much. ]

Maybe in time she'll wish that I had created that self-evident world after all.

[eschatological]

For her own happiness, perhaps. What a shame that she's put the world ahead of her own wishes.

[ Lacus Clyne, one of those pesky self-sacrificing oddities that keeps staring down superweapons. Tsk tsk. ]

[destinymaker]

[ Gil pauses for a moment. He looks the queen piece in its glassy miniature eyes before setting it down on the table, the only piece upright in the whole room now. ]

A bit more greed would suit her nicely. Alas.

[ If it had been Lacus in Gil's shoes, maybe Rau would not have gotten to ever scheme as long as he did. What an unpleasant thought. ]

[eschatological]

[ Well yeah Lacus probably would not have made medicine for a guy who openly wanted to provoke mutual destruction. Back to that ridiculous idea that almost any other course of events would have lead to one side almost wiping the other out, and this particular course of events is one of the few that brought them to a comparatively peaceable stalemate. Destiny! Wild. ]

Kira Yamato will have to be selfish enough for the both of them. Whether as the dream of humanity or simply as his father's son... when he realizes that the "tomorrow" he's chasing is a mirage, never any closer than the day before, what will he do to make the mirage a reality?

[ Mostly amused speculation, with a tiny bit of condescending self-satisfaction, because, again, the kid did run a beam saber through Providence. ]

[destinymaker]

I wonder...

[ For someone who had a hand in killing the both of them, Kira Yamato still strikes Gil as a rather passive person with a frankly laughable insistence on being ordinary. Yet that very insistence seems to have gotten through to Rey... Ah, children. Always defying their parents' best advice. ]

We'll have prime seats to watch it unfold, if nothing else. You'll have to teach me the ropes of being a ghost though.

[eschatological]

Who knows? Perhaps you only heard me because of Rey. Or only because you wanted to.

[ Truly, someone please explain, was this like the Zeta harem showing up to help Kamille or??? ]

[destinymaker]

How romantic. Again.

[ The teasing comes almost automatically though and Gil trails of into a thoughtful moment of silence. ]

... I wasn't certain I was hearing you at all.

[ Maybe now that the opposite is confirmed, he can admit this. That he thought he might be going insane. A Rau only for him, conjured from his mind - half memory and half wish. ]

[eschatological]

Romantic? My, my, when you're the one who puts so much faith in destiny?

[ That level of teasing he can bat away with tone alone -- light, brisk, conversational. As to absolute certainty of perception, well, their current predicament raises fundamental epistemological issues, but the question of Rau's earlier appearance may be relatively simple. Rau nudges the black king piece on the floor with a booted toe, sending it gently rolling. ]

If it was only wishful thinking, would I have been arrayed against you rather than beside you?

[destinymaker]

[ Gil laughs. It's an instinctive response, before he can even truly think about choosing his words for a proper reply. ]

Of course you would be.

[ All his heartfelt confession and this is still a question, huh?

Well, he can't really blame Rau for that. It's the external paradox of his feelings, a raw wound he doesn't like poking at either. The Rau he started adoring is the one who cursed the world and still kept existing in it, the one who hungered for more even if he couldn't imagine 'more' to take any shape other than destruction.

It's that Rau who kept driving Gil forward - further, further, grander, more absolute. A world in which happiness is such an unquestionable and undeniable fact that even Rau Le Creuset would have to admit that life is not pointless.]

You would never have balked at something as simple as theory. You'd have wanted me to produce results before even considering changing your stance. How could I ever imagine you differently?

[eschatological]

[ If Gil hadn't dumped all those feelings, he would have gotten a verbal swipe about how domestic and sedate he chose to see Rau. This is the claws-sheathed version of this conversation! As it is, Rau reaches down to pick up the black king, twirling it slowly and idly between gloved fingers. His voice is amused, tolerant. ]

I offer you a perfectly good reason to believe it was all as true as anything, and still you insist on the absolute truth. Really, you don't make things easy on yourself.

[destinymaker]

[ Something less than the truth is simpler - they've only just talked about it. It's what Gil has given the public, and they'd lived easier lives for it. But for himself...

This mistaken world has set him on a path that allowed him to grow desires for that which he cannot have. And yet, proving Rau so annoyingly right, desire doesn't disappear so easily.

He smiles, thinly. A little sardonic. Watching Rau from the corner of his eyes while ostensibly looking at the chess pieces before them. ]

And what would you think of me, if I was so easy to placate?

[eschatological]

I would think very little of you, [ he concedes with a smile. Both in the sense that that Rau would think poorly of him, and wouldn't find him interesting enough to think of him often. The scope and uncompromising nature of Gil’s wants are fascinating. ]

Or, because you did not want the simple answer, perhaps you would be thinking that for me.

[ Rau clearly finds this idea funny, rather than a real source of concern. At some point, you just gotta accept that whatever is animating your perception and consciousness, your consciousness wants most of what you perceive to blow up in a clash of superweapons. ]

[destinymaker]

Perhaps I am, even. What a thought - rather than being reunited with you in death, I've been sent to my own personal purgatory in which I can torture myself endlessly by reiterating our arguments over and over and over...

[ Though judging by the levity in his tone, he doesn't truly believe that. Or at least, it doesn't make a real difference anymore when they're stuck in limbo anyway, with nothing to affect but each other and whatever unfortunate dead souls may cross their path in due time. ]

"The one thing you cannot run from is yourself."

[eschatological]

You aren't inclined to run away from yourself. [ Rau tosses him the black king and continues casually, blandly, not at all in the air of someone delivering a sort-of compliment. ] It's one of your better features.

[ The thought that this is purgatory is hilarious though, because Rau is perfectly certain that any postmortem system worth its salt should have sent him straight to hell. And if it's Gil's purgatory, well -- Rau cracks a smile. ]

But we really will be here a long time, if my presence is meant to purify your soul.

[destinymaker]

[ The compliment is understood as such and though Gil makes no outward motion of acknowledging it, he's pleased. He was never insecure about Rau's appreciation of him (why would Rau ever bother, otherwise?), but that doesn't mean it's not nice to have your ego stroked. ]

Maybe I'm meant to purify you instead.

But that would be a shame, because as much as I long to give you that release... to do it because some cosmic force has declared it a fitting punishment is just antithetical to the sentiment.

[eschatological]

[ Rau settles back against the sofa and laughs with incredulous surprise. Ah, that's good. Purifying the soul of completely unrepentant, quasi-patricidal, traitorous attempted mass-murderer. ]

An impossible task, whoever set it.

[destinymaker]

It would appear so.

[ Punishment, purify... Those aren't words that ever came to mind for Gil, not when it came to Rau. ]

Especially if 'purity' includes feeling repentant - even I have no intention of forcing that onto you.

[ What Rau did and wants is evil, but... that's his prerogative to want and feel, after all this world has put him through. They can agree on as much. ]

[eschatological]

[ That's sweet. And sensible. To Rau's mind, his worst inclinations are as inherent to his existence as breathing -- perhaps more so, given that he no longer particularly needs to breathe. ]

You could not. Even in life, you never tried to change human nature, simply to constrain it.

Your impossible dreams have such interesting boundaries.

[ No tameness, no repentance. Really, truly, simply happiness, apparently. What an alien thought. ]

[destinymaker]

That's because I don't consider my dreams impossible, merely improbable.

[ Gil turns the black king that Rau tossed at him, and holds him up into the light. This king has fallen already, but he moved with purpose when he was still on the board. ]

I am working towards realization of my dreams and in doing so, I have to consider the parameters of possibility.

[ He sets the king piece on the table, a good distance from the white queen already standing here. ]

Though... in this case, it's maybe less a matter of probability than of preference.

[eschatological]

Whose preference? [ he drawls, but there are teeth showing in his smile again. Surely Gil won't claim total altruism in this. ]

[destinymaker]

[ That tone of voice, that expression... Even if Gil had been inclined to lie about this in the first place, Rau would be making it very hard on him.

Fortunately, Gil's been nothing but honest since they came here. The outside world no longer exists, any concerns about social consequences are a far-off memory. The biggest concern he's having is whether or not he's cheating on his ex-girlfriend who may or may not be reunited with her own late husband right now, and that's just... That's so abstract it is laughable. They'll work it out. They have an approximation of 'forever' to do so.

Gil leans forward a little as he responds. ]

Mine.

[eschatological]

[ Rau chuckles, warmly self-satisfied. He doesn't return the lean, but he tilts his head inquisitively, appraisingly. ]

You'll need a better plan than your last one.

[ But speaking of Talia, he isn't making personal swipes about her. It's a minute sign of increased tolerance. ]

[destinymaker]

A different caliber of plan, that's for sure. Proving something to a ghost is quite different from being ghosts together.

[ The Destiny Plan is still a bit of a touchy subject... Rey's rejection put a definitive end to it, more so than the mere thwarting of its implementation could have, but one does not let go of a life's work that easily. It's been ten years since Gil first sat awake at his desk late at night, scribbling down his first notes. Using pen and paper instead of a computer, because he felt it helped him think, because he wanted it to be raw and direct somehow. Ten years of deliberation and refinement... The Destiny Plan is a part of Gilbert Durandal by now. He can't cut it out so easily.

So Gil isn't going to dwell on the exact nature of plans for too long. Not when he has a different question to ask. ]

You dodged my question earlier. So you will remain to watch me struggle at your seemingly impossible quest?

[ As hollow as a victory that is, having Rau agree to stay with him when there is nowhere else to even go. And still, he'd like to hear it, some real words of commitment. ]