eschatological | [psl] post-mortem; closed to @destinymaker

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[psl] post-mortem; closed to @destinymaker

[ This office has always been quiet, but now the silence is unnaturally absolute. The usual ambient sounds have all vanished — the muted rumble of feet and serious voices beyond the door, the hum and crackle of electronics, the omnipresent pulse of Aprilius’s environmental support systems. But, then again, there’s no reason for the environmental support systems when the familiar noises of breath and heartbeat have ceased as well.

Two armies of chess pieces lie toppled and abandoned on the floor, leaving the low table bare save for the empty board. Rau sits languidly on one of the two wide sofas with his chin in a gloved hand. Even though he’s corporeal now (or as corporeal as anything in this scene, which is to say, gentlemen of the jury, ambiguously), the dim light and the white of his mask and uniform combine to give him an uncanny, still-ghostly appearance. He shows no interest in the scattered chess pieces. Instead, he is waiting very patiently, intently, for.... ]

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All my life, and now you’re exhausting in death.

[ Though a more pleasant form of exhaustion, so there’s no actual annoyance behind the words. ]

We’ll have to move eventually. Forward or otherwise.

[ Gil groans quietly. Please don't remind him of movement, it's very rude. Rau's weight on his chest is literally perfect and he doesn't want to miss it. ]

This room can't be all there is... Judging by the way our bodies function as normal, I suspect that our experience is based around our expectations. And I certainly expect availability of a ghostly shower.

[ The afterlife is ridiculous for being so much like... just life. But at the same time, Gil is not ready for it to be anything else. A death that doesn't feel like death at all is easier to get used to. Doesn't sink in as deeply. ]

More your expectations than mine, I think.

[ Because Rau would not have bet on an office lube stash, no matter how strenuously PLANT was trying to deal with its fertility issues. He tilts his head and continues, almost perfectly deadpan: ]

But that's for the best. Remember, in my life, this was the late Chairman Zala's office.

[ Well if suggesting that Patrick Zala could walk in on their bare asses doesn't get Gil to punt him to the floor, nothing will. ]

[ Gil does not do things as graceless as punting other people to the floor. He does, however, pull a pretty spectacular face of distaste.

Patrick Zala does not deserve the glory of Rau's bare ass! ]

Well, you better not expect to see him ever again. Spare our poor afterlives the headache.

[ But then he goes more serious again. With the afterglow wearing down his curiosity is rising. ]

But considering you are well informed about the events that transpired after your death, you have no reason to not associate this office with me now, do you?

Edited 2023-11-25 22:01 (UTC)

[ Mm, a good expression. ]

Yes, yes, it's yours. I didn't sit here haunting your staff while you were away.

[ That would have been boring anyway, except maybe that time Athrun was on Aprillius. ]

I knew some of what you were doing, so I suppose I'm well-informed because you were. But I told you, I don't know whether that was because of Rey or because you wanted it or because of something else altogether.

[ Gil hums thoughtfully. ]

We certainly don't have a window to the living world right at this moment... And all those who loved either of us have also passed.

[ Stated very matter of fact, even if it's kind of depressing to think. ]

I'll waste away in endless curiosity if we don't figure something out on that front. Maybe that's step two after the shower?

[ What an absolutely inane to-do list. ]

[ Loved ones being dead doesn't get much of a reaction from Rau -- of the two people who loved Rau by the end of his life, Gil is dead and Rey killed him. The mention of a shower at least gets Rau to stretch lazily, waking up his limbs, though he doesn't move to leave. ]

A shower will be an experiment in whether anything exists beyond this room, in any case.

[ He glances at the door Gil came in through, then back to Gil, curiously. ]

I presume that you didn't notice much between dying and this place.

[ No judgment, just seeking confirmation. ]

[ Rau's stretching childishly makes Gil want to wrap all his limbs around him and keep him here even longer, but he's perfectly aware of how juvenile that would be. Death or no death, he still has a bit of dignity as an adult man left.

With a final soft brush against Rau's cheek, he finally gets his hand out of his hair, too. ]

Nothing, no. I remember the door opening, so I suppose I must have been in the hall but... It felt like such a matter of course that I should enter here and meet you, I didn't even look around.

How long had you been waiting? Did you perceive such time at all?

[ Rau frowns. He hadn't thought about it, and the fact that he hadn't thought about it is now slightly irritating. ]

I don't know. Either there was no time, or there was not enough time to consider doing anything else.

Mhm...

[ Yeah, Rau hadn't seemed like a person who has lived a halfway orderly life in a facsimile of the living world for the past two years. ]

Maybe our perception of 'time' and 'space' is likewise tied to our togetherness - it's setting a stage for an interaction of souls that would otherwise be harder to navigate. I am just coming up with a mass of hypotheses of course.

Hypotheses. [ Rau laughs, the sound rumbling through his chest. ] You're too much of a scientist. We could simply walk to opposite sides of the room and see what happens.

[ But he's not making any effort to get up. He really is tired, and it's been a long time since he was this comfortable. ]

Coming up with hypotheses beforehand can streamline the testing process.

[ Conversely, it can introduce bias that falsifies results. Gil immediately amends it in his head, but he's not going to sabotage his own argument about... cuddling just to be as accurate as possible. ]

You can't tell me you don't enjoy thoughtplay, either.

[ "Thoughtplay" makes it sound kinda dirty. Which maybe it is, for the two them? In any case, Rau shrugs, which is an admittedly odd gesture when lying on top of someone. This whole conversation is odd for lying on top of someone, this whole conversation is odd, this whole manner of existence is odd, the two of them are odd. Oh well. ]

I wouldn't be here if I did not.

[ It's less indifferent than it might sound on the surface, given that I'm here most recently led to dropping his mask and fingerbanging. ]

But it reaches a point where thinking only leads you around in circles.

[ He props himself up on one elbow, uses his free hand to trace a lazy spiral on Gil's clavicle. ]

It's a very enjoyable circle, to be fair.

[ Rau's finger on his skin, that is. But also the empty banter they're having, the endless speculation about a situation they have far too little data on. All of it keeps them right here, pressed up as close as human beings can be.

It's low risk high reward to stay right where they are, enjoying something they never had in life.

... and that's the true core of all this. Not laziness, not enjoyment.

Fear.

Realizing it makes Gil pause and frown. He does not verbally elaborate on that. ]

[ Rau hums, deliberately letting the sound vibrate between them, and brushes his free hand against Gil’s cheek. ]

You think I’ll disappear if you take your eyes off me.

[ How pathetic must his expression have been, for Rau to give him that kind of comforting touch? Troubling thoughts to consider.

Unfortunately, it is pointless to lie here. He will have to continue being pathetic for just a moment. ]

Not by your choice. I trust you.

[ Rau said he's here. Said he'd witness what Gil would show him. Rau isn't tired of him yet.

But the world... has the world ever been kind to his relationships? ]

Still, the worry remains.

[ On some level, Rau is absolutely amused by the bleak thought, even if it puts his existence in theoretical peril. He’s an asshole, that way.

He places his hand over Gil’s eyes. (He is fairly certain that Gil has blinked since arriving; it is not a terrible existential threat.) ]

[ Gil exhales. A small smile re-enters his features. What a silly little test. ]

You're right here.

[ To illustrate, he raises a hand and runs it over Rau's back - from the neck down to the small of it. ]

I cannot see you, but I can feel you, smell you, hear your breath... You're all around me.

[ He can't taste him, but Rau may have that covered on his end. ]

[ Rau arches into the touch with an almost-imperceptible sigh. He cranes his neck so that his breath will tickle at Gil's ear. ]

Not all around you.

[ Interesting. Now that the ice has been broken for good, physical affection is getting much better responses than anticipated. Gil laughs. ]

All in due time.

[ It really is too bad that even with his absolute best efforts and many sleepless nights, Gil could not have brought Rau's living body to this level of comfort. A thought that holds equally true for horny and for sentimental reasons.

What a segue in conversational tone, though. ]

This is... one way to assuage my insecurities, for sure.

[ It's too amusing to keep dwelling on anxiety, at least. ]

You can continue hypothesizing, and I can continue experimenting, [ he drawls, as though the hand on his back was nothing. ] It's not sight or touch or taste individually. [ His hand slips away from Gil's eyes, and Rau brushes a forefinger over Gil's lower lip instead. They went plenty of time without touching, to say nothing of tasting. ] Smell seems unlikely.

[ He folds his hands over Gil's chest again, rests his head on them, looks at Gil with innocuous seriousness. ]

It could be hearing. But you'd be bored if I were quiet, in any case.

Terribly so.

[ Gil nods, and puts some playful emphasis on the words, but it is true.

He's long ceased to be able to exist without their conversations - a desire so forceful it either tied Rau's soul to his or caused him to hallucinate a whole lot. Maybe both, in some irritatingly intertwined mixture. ]

You're quiet when listening to me though, so we have that one covered. Unless the ambient noise of your breath is our tether...?

[ Doubtful, but pretty romantic as a thought. Gil runs his hand in lazy circles over Rau's spine, not with with any real intentionality behind it. It's just nice. ]

I think not, unless first-generation Coordinators were fixated on genes for particularly superhuman hearing.

[ That touch is a bit distracting, but he can't really complain when he was doing the same thing to Gil's chest a moment earlier. ]

You can't rule out distance.

[ Is it a quasi-scientific observation or an invitation to stay like this? Both, given that Rau still can't be bothered to get up. If Gil stopped talking, Rau might be bored, but he also might just fall asleep. ]

Maybe I should hold your hand for the rest of our afterlives, just in case.

[ Can't get too far away if you're literally attached to each other!!

He doesn't mean it, though. They'd both find that kind of stifling proximity to be absolutely unbearable. Gil shakes his head mildly, still smiling. ]

It's truly unfortunate that curiosity is going to get the better of us sooner or later.

I'm beginning to doubt your scientific rigor.

[ Mostly deadpan, with extra dead. "Just in case," uh huh. He lowers his head again, so that his arms are the only thing between it and Gil's chest. ]

That shower is at least as pressing as curiosity. If you're expecting a shower nearby, that is.

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