eschatological | [psl] post-mortem; closed to @destinymaker

Hahhh...

[ Gil lets out a low moan, looking up at Rau through heavy-lidded eyes all the while. He doesn't want to miss even a moment of these unmasked expressions that are all for him. In all his life and death, he's the person who has gotten closest to Rau le Creuset. Gil wants to believe that. Those beads of sweat on his brow, the way his eyelids flutter... Rau's face may not be unique to him, but surely these are expressions that belong only to the two of them in this moment.

Now that they've started, it's hard to resist keeping up the pace and Gil doesn't bother. He rocks his hips up in a slow but steady rhythm, feeling keenly that his pants are way too tight for this. ]

Mhm... Maybe it isn't so bad-- being spoiled in this way.

[ And that should go for Rau as well. Having sex is not going to make Rau existentially happy, but Gil wants to make sure he enjoys himself to the fullest. After another self-indulgent squeeze of his ass, Gil lets go and touches Rau's bare lower back instead, feathery traces of fingernails on skin. ]

I wonder, do you want to-- be held? Or to hold?

[ It's very euphemistic language to use even while he moves his hands to the front and onto Rau's belt buckle.

Even now Gil's eyes never once leave Rau's face, and though he's panting with desire, there's still an adoration in his expression that is maybe a little embarrassing. ]

[ That might be nice euphemistic politician-talk, but it is the opposite of sexy; Gil’s lucky that Rau is horny enough to mostly ignore it. He buries his face in the crook of Gil’s neck and laughs, nipping lightly at the soft skin there in rebuke. This time the laughter is a little mocking. ]

Such clinical precision.

[ Who lets you do doctor things, seriously. But, Rau has already made up his mind that he doesn’t particularly want to deal with the fuss or solicitude involved in fingering Gil open, and that getting held down and fucked would be boring no matter how (because of how?) earnest and sentimental and adoring Gil might be about it. He sits up straight (tossing the second glove away without fanfare in the process, finally), his ass settling flush against Gil’s crotch. He looks so well-balanced, so perfectly at ease that it should dispel any lingering questions Gil has about whether Rau has been with men before, even if Rau was too pain-wracked or too hyper-fixated on mutual annihilation or both to get around sleeping with anyone in the last year of his life. ]

Neither.

[ He raises his hips fractionally, then grinds down. Chasing his own pleasure on Gil’s cock probably does have the best chance of both maintaining control and a satisfactory conclusion. Still, first things first. He pulls up just enough to break contact.... ]

But this is your afterlife, probably. You’ll need to reason out lubrication.

[ Rau’s an omnicidal psychopath, not a masochist. And if death ends up being limited to blowjobs and thighfucking, eh, that’s still pretty good for hell or purgatory or whatever. ]

[ ... well, that wasn't either of the positions Gil anticipated, but it's absolutely not an unwelcome set-up. He'd been appreciating the excellent view from this vantage point for a while now, so to stay this way and watch Rau struggle in pleasure and exertion...? Even though he is loathe to let go of controlling the pace, it seems like a decent trade-off to Gil.

To the question of lubrication, Gil lightly inclines his head towards the front end of the couch. ]

There's storage compartments under the seating. First from the left.

[ While he speaks, he makes quick work of Rau's belt and pant buttons. ]

As much as I'd love to see if I can manifest something with my mind... Well, I did spend a lot of time here in life, you know?

[ Lubrication is also quite useful for flying solo.

And even though Gil is deeply fascinated with the metaphysical potential of their situation, he's glad to let that wait until he's less tightly wound up with desire. ]

[ That gets a wry smile. ]

You do prepare for everything.

[ This timing is terrible, though, as Rau is rather distracted by the hands at his waist. It would probably be most sensible to grab the lube now – but, sensibility be damned, Rau is starting to stiffen at the through-fabric contact and isn’t particularly inclined to interrupt this. Rau settles into Gil’s lap again by way of wordless permission and encouragement, leaning back to give him easier access. His eyes are focused on Gil's face with anticipatory curiosity. ]

[ For once, Gil decides that he doesn't need to be talking any more right now and quietly slips his hand into the gap between Rau's opened pants and his underwear. He gives Rau's groin a few hard strokes with his open palm, smiling in satisfaction at the way the body automatically responds to such stimuli. It's a bit of a shame that Rau isn't a woman, solely for the fact that Gil feels excessively confident in what his hands and mouth can do in that scenario. He has to be a bit more experimental now.

Experimental doesn't translate to hesitant though. He's quickly had his fill of feeling the allure of heat through fabric, and doesn't waste more time before dipping his hand below the waistband of Rau's underwear and taking hold of his cock. He gives it a languid stroke, gauging reaction. With his other arm, he props himself up for a slightly better vantage point. ]

[ Rau’s satisfied exhale is almost a hiss, and he thrusts shallowly into that touch with just enough presence of mind to make sure that the motion grinds his ass against Gil’s groin. It would be pleasant to let his head fall back and just melt into Gil’s hands -- but even now, Rau really isn’t capable of letting himself be that unguarded if he can’t drag Gil to at least the same state of senselessness, no matter how pleasant it might be.

So after a moment, Rau bites his lip and lifts onto his knees, sitting a few inches higher so that he has room to get at Gil’s pants. (He doesn’t make any effort to push Gil’s hands away, nor will he protest if they keep up the good work.) Rau runs a finger along Gil’s pants seam as a quick tease, then gets to work on whatever fastenings are in the way with brisk efficiency. Barring any strenuous objections to the contrary (and, frankly, probably even in the face of any strenuous objections to the contrary), he’ll pull any offending articles of clothing out of the way -- then lower his hips again and wrap a hand loosely around both their cocks. His fingers are remarkably steady, but, then again, he’s had years of experience forcing them to stay still through tremors. By contrast, his brows are knit with concentration and his eyes flicker closed as he rocks forward again. ]

[ Objections are the last thing on Gil's mind right now. As soon as their cocks touch, he lets out a moan that is restrained in volume but no less wanton for it. ]

Rau...

[ Not a statement that is going anywhere, just a breathless exclamation of the name. How could anybody expect differently of him? Gilbert Durandal is always motivated by love, and the simple primitive pleasure of sex is stripping away all other parts of him with ease. I love you, his body sings, and simply calling Rau's name is the best way to externalize it without making his partner want to gag him.

Truly, Gil's only complaint about this set-up is that it's uncomfortable to hold himself upright with his arm and doing so still doesn't bring him close enough to reach Rau's lips. Seeking to remedy the problem, he wraps his arms around Rau's shoulders and pulls him back down with him. Should Rau allow this, Gil's drawing him into a breathless kiss while they thrust their hips in a loose rhythm. ]

[ Driving Gil further toward insensibility is a license to be a touch insensible himself. Rau smirks and plants his free hand beside Gil's shoulder for balance and leverage, then lets himself be drawn down. When he kisses back, it's less painful than the end stages of his prior testing approach, but also less experimental. His mouth presses down with real hunger every time he rocks them into his hand.

But he's still curious as well, and, with both hands otherwise occupied, eventually his lips dip to Gil's jaw, down along the neck to the collarbone. There's too much teeth-scraping involved for it to be just kissing, but it's not outright biting, not until he gets to the little ghost scar over Gil's heart. That Rau nips at, hard enough to leave a mark of his own, just as his fingers wrap a little tighter around their dicks. ]

[ Gil had been lulled into a false sense of security by the almost gentle way Rau was moving over his body, content to just bare his neck to Rau for better access. Of course things wouldn't be that simple. ]

F-fuck, ah---

[ Gil jolts, letting out a strangled moan and uncharacteristic swear in response to the sudden combination of pain, increased pleasure and--- Well, it's a potent cocktail of emotions as well, having Rau claim him in that spot of all places. Gil's fingernails did hard into Rau's shoulder blades, first on instinct and then remaining that way on purpose for a moment.

He's not into pain, he really isn't, but-- How is he not supposed to think it's hot when Rau is putting his mark on his heart, his death, every part of himself that he'd like to offer up to him already? ]

-- get that lube. I need you.

[ Well, Rau knew Gil was turned on and had a lot of big emotions, but he didn’t quite expect “turned on” and “big emotions” to intersect quite that dramatically. His lips form a silent, surprised oh against skin before he looks up, evaluating. There’s a second where he considers making Gil fight for it, punt him off the couch and tell him to get it himself, but even that’s starting to seem a little pointless when he can shatter the man with a bite.

Rau licks a quick, tight circle around the scar, then pulls back and shifts to the other side of the couch with a small grimace at the loss of contact. But if they’re going to break contact, they might as well get all the rest of the preliminaries out of the way. Rau runs a knuckle down Gil’s inner thigh to the top of his boot as he draws away. ]

Off, [ he says simply, because he’s not completely confident in his ability to keep his voice steady for more.

Then he does go looking for this convenient storage compartment, glances at the bottle of lubricant briefly before tossing it to Gil and starting to strip off his own boots. He’s marginally, but definitely noticeably, faster at getting these off than he was with Gil’s pants a moment earlier. Having become used to contact, the loss of it is annoying. He'd like to get this part over and get back to it. ]

[ It's way too cold without their bodies pressed up to each other - even more so once Gil sits up to toss his boots and remaining clothing. They really should have done this earlier, because splitting up after getting pretty into it is genuinely uncomfortable.

On the other hand, the cool down break basically guarantees they'll last longer. Gil is obligated by contract to be the optimist in this relationship.

He drops his underwear carelessly onto the floor and is completely bare in front of Rau, all paper white skin and messy black hair safe for the flush of his face.

He uncaps the bottle of lube and waits for Rau to settle back down as well. It'd be hot to see Rau prepare himself, but he has a dim premonition that that'd be Rau's preference as well and that just makes him feel contrary. Can't let Rau have all the control here.

Gil pats his lap again. No reason they can't also warm each other up by embracing while he gets to work. ]

[ ... that is a rather presumptuous lap pat! Rau puts a hand on his hip -- a gesture which looks much less dramatic when naked -- and considers whether it's worth it to push back on that. But, in the end, it's really impossible to feign indifference without any clothes on. He'll have to settle for a little verbal snit. ]

You're really too used to orchestrating everything your way.

[ A touch amused, a touch chiding, definitely more strained than he'd like to keep the words relatively even. But Rau is hornier than he is interested in turning this into a power play, and he drapes himself over Gil with a tiny admonishing sigh that shifts into a quiet moan as their bodies reconnect. His fingertips brush over the hand holding the bottle. ]

Well?

[ That's all the invitation he's going to give. It would be simpler and less troublesome to handle this himself... but implicitly challenging Gil to make this good is more interesting. ]

I think that applies to the both of us.

[ Rau is far too competent at bending the world to do his bidding to not have grown a little addicted to the sense of control it provides. The way Rau is chiding him for something so little only goes to prove the point.

But that's not important to argue about when there are much more pleasurable things at stake. Gil gives a satisfied 'mhm' when their bodies slot back together and the heat returns.

Without further commentary, he pours a generous helping of lube onto the first two fingers of his right hand before moving it lower. This current vantage point is great for the passive pleasure of their cocks resting against each other and a lot less great for actually having visual on what the fuck he's doing, so if it takes a second longer than necessary to slide his fingers up to Rau's entrance... ah well. Gil spends a moment just teasing the muscles and gauging Rau's responses. The cold must take a moment to get used to, after all. If he can get any kind of pleased inhale out of the man, he'll proceed to penetration with his index finger. It's a bit different from vaginal fingering for sure, but everything is just a matter of finding the right angle to curl your fingers in... Gil is pretty methodical about that. ]

[ Rau is actually reasonably relaxed. Gil would have to screw this up pretty spectacularly to be worse than the pain Rau dealt with on a daily basis, and if he was that hopeless Talia would have dumped him sooner. So, Rau loops his arms over Gil's shoulders again and rocks slightly into the first exploratory touches. His breath is fast and shallow, but it will take a minute or two before a particularly good swipe pulls a soft groan out of him.

When the first finger goes in, Rau's own fingers dig into Gil's shoulders -- but not scratching, not outright painful. Perfectly manageable. He rocks back onto Gil's finger, about a knuckle's depth, and tilts his hips experimentally, assessing angles. ]

Another, and deeper.

[ Beneath the breathy buzz, his voice is thoughtful, evaluating, even cooperative. It's closer to an order than to praise... but here's something else where they're not working at cross-purposes. ]

[ Rau has allowed him to take the lead physically, so Gil supposes it's fair enough to let him give verbal commands without reprimanding him for it. In the end, Rau knows best what is good to him and Gil certainly is not intending to give him less than the best he can give.

He hums affirmatively and slowly adds his middle finger to the mix. In pushing deeper, he angles his fingers just a bit to the front - he has a target to find. His advance is neither rushed nor particularly hesitant, and once he's established a decent depth, he'll proceed to initiate a slow shallow thrusting movement.

It's easy to feel a little impatient while they work up to the main act, but he keeps it at bay by focusing himself on the sensation of their bodies brushing against each other with every subtle shift, and by listening to the rhythm of Rau's breathing. ]

[ It's easy to tell when this shifts from a necessary and temporary discomfort to genuinely pleasurable in part because Rau’s breathing goes from slow and carefully controlled to looser and shallower, and also in because Rau starts going exploring again. One hand skims down Gil’s spine to the small of his back, the other down his sternum. Nothing too distracting, he’s invested in Gil staying focused on the task at hand, but it seems like a waste to have all these nicely-defined Coordinator muscles and not feel them up at least a little bit.

It's also easy to tell when Gil hits the prostate. Rau shivers slightly, his eyes falling closed and his mouth falling open, and groans out a self-satisfied, ]

Yes.

[ That first word of unqualified affirmation tumbles out before he can shape it into something clever. Oh well. If keeps his fingers moving more or less where they are, Rau thinks he can live with it. ]

[ Gil is maybe more pleased than is strictly warranted to have finally gotten Rau to drop the nonchalant facade and enjoy himself more openly for a moment. So of course he keeps his fingers at precisely this angle to the best of his ability - he wants to see Rau lose himself to pleasure even more than he wants to get off himself.

Having figured out the perfect spot to keep massaging, leaves Gil with more bandwidth to focus on other things, too. He decides to make use of it by kissing Rau's neck as he keeps moving his fingers, and if he leaves marks... They're dead, who's going to care?

He's going to be content to keep going like this until Rau either stops him or he notices Rau getting a little too close to climax. ]

[ Rau isn’t going to tell him to stop, even though he’s increasingly realizing that he either overestimated his ability to compartmentalize pleasure as well as he did chronic pain or underestimated Gilbert Durandal’s capacity to be both methodical and shameless. Possibly both. He really should have just done this himself, shouldn’t have let himself get this vulnerable when Gil is still relatively clearheaded – but then there wouldn’t be that electric current building in his gut, or the contrast of cool air and warm lips on his neck. Rau’s hand at Gil’s sternum slides down and wraps around Gil’s cock again, stroking slow and loose in a bid to make this less one-sided. The nails at the small of Gil’s back dig in every time Gil’s fingers press in deepest, a cat’s claws kneading into skin by grasping reflex.

And eventually his heavy breaths turn into undisguised panting, and that panting catches in Rau’s throat and turns into rough, quiet groans. He gives up on getting Gil off and settles that hand on Gil’s thigh for balance instead. His grip is too tight to be pleasant, but he’s beginning to clench around Gil’s fingers, too, which suggests tight grip isn’t wholly intentional. ]

[ Oh, how tempting it is to simply keep pushing until Rau's nails draw blood from his thighs and he's completely spent. Bringing Rau to climax with his hands and feeling him shiver in his arms... He's definitely tried to entertain that fantasy once or twice before, just to be halted by an inability to imagine it realistically enough.

Now Rau is right here, and Gil can observe it all. Restrained but not shy, quiet but heated... It's hotter than it has any right to be, and focusing on it really makes Gil's dick ache for attention again. Attention he won't get in quite the way he wants it, if he allows Rau to finish here.

So he slows his fingers instead of keeping up the pressure, and then removes them entirely. Almost apologetically, he follows it up with a nibble to Rau's pulse point before drawing away from his neck as well. ]

Mhmm, I think you might be sufficiently relaxed now, no?

[ Gil tries to keep his voice even, but it still comes across pretty clearly that he's wound up and straining to suppress his overwhelming sense of need.

... that does not mean his lovesick yet self-satisfied smile isn't kind of obnoxious. ]

Edited 2023-11-22 20:05 (UTC)

[ His nails dig in hard for a moment as Gil withdraws, and he tsks with unsuppressed frustration. When Rau sits back to stare Gil in the face, he looks very much like he’s deciding between murder and just taking Gil’s dick immediately -- his brows are knit but his pupils are blown wide, his teeth are slightly bared but his lips have been kissed red. The flush in his cheeks has spread to most of his front, and a light sheen of sweat has left strands of blond hair clinging to his neck and temples. He looks almost nothing like the poised, pale, well-guarded figure who waited for someone to enter the room.

He doesn’t like that Gil can sit there and speak full sentences and smile, however adoringly, while Rau is on the brink. There's a nagging feeling of being off-balance, vulnerable. He should take this moment to pull back, find something that will shatter Gil while Rau collects himself -- but he wants to come on Gilbert Durandal’s too-clever fingers. Want, want, want, whatever problems tomorrow brings be damned.

He takes Gil’s face in both hands, inhales deeply to steady himself. ]

If you don’t finish, I really will find a way to kill you again.

[ With significant effort, it comes out reasonably steady, although his voice edges on a growl. And then Rau kisses him to forestall Gil from saying anything lovesick or self-satisfied or both. ]

[ ... oh, curses, how is one to refuse when asked so nicely?

However much the kiss is merely a measure to shut him up, it still feels like a reward to Gil. He opens his mouth readily, no longer terribly concerned with just how sloppy their makeouts may get. All he wants is for his tongue to entangle as closely with Rau's as it possibly can.

He's distracted enough by sighing into their kiss that it takes just a second until he can align his fingers just right again, but once that is sorted out it's right back to a relentless massage of Rau's most vulnerable point. He'll worry about things like refractory periods later - having seen Rau like this, look at him with such desire, it would be impossible to refuse him anything.

And if Rau's already asking for a climax here, then there's no reason to not sneak his free hand round front and stroke his cock as well. Occasionally, he'll circle the tip with his thumb. Yes, if Rau wants to come here, then Gil is going to give him the most stimulating finish he can manage. That's the unrelenting nature of love. Probably. ]

[ That's a lot. Forget underestimating being methodical and shameless, Rau underestimated fucking Gilbert Durandal's fucking too-clever hands. It doesn’t take much of that for Rau to come hard, his whole body shuddering between Gil’s hands. He loops his arms around Gil’s shoulders to keep himself upright as it rocks through him in waves, breaks off kissing to rest his forehead against Gil’s. He never quite reaches the point of vocalizing, but every breath that punches out of him ends on a low and throaty groan.

When he finally stills, he settles in Gil’s lap, blinking back dazedness and starting to steady his breathing. He needs a moment to recover, for the last pleasurable frisson to dissipate. Then he’ll deal with whatever problems he may or may not have walked into. ]

[ Gil removes his fingers from Rau's body and lets go of his cock, instead settling for casually wrapping his arms around his waist in a loose embrace. If his own erection weren't throbbing with a painful need, Gil would have liked to encourage Rau to fall asleep just like this, still sticky and sweaty. They'd both be sure to regret it a few hours down the line, but... ah, Rau is just beautiful like this. Exhausted by pleasure, curled up in Gil's arms like he belongs here.

Gil can't resist, he presses a small kiss onto Rau's hair. Other than that, he's content to remain in silence for a bit so Rau can gather himself. It's only after Rau's breathing has normalized some more that he speaks up. ]

... I still really want to fuck you.

[ If it's too soon, he'll understand and let them figure out something different, but he'll absolutely lord it over Rau for the promise of a next time. ]

[ He has to take a beat before he can react, but his index finger brushes the underside of Gil’s cock, and although his voice is still a little low and slow he manages to respond with a reasonable recreation of his usual dryness: ]

I could tell.

[ He pushes himself back and sits upright, shaking out his arms and testing his own steadiness. He’s still slightly too loose-limbed and pleasurably electric to ride Gil as hard as he’d like -- and he’s had Gil on edge too long for it to last even if he did. But the trouble, relatively minor as it is, is that he’s not inclined to let Gil hold this over him.

Well. There are ways to deal with both.

He runs his tongue over his own lips. Nothing too bruising there, and if there was, it would be his own doing. It’s a workable change of plans. He pushes Gil’s shoulder lightly, directing him to lie back this time instead of outright pushing him into place. But he has no doubts that Gil will do it -- Gil's smart enough to pick up on the lip-licking. ]

[ With the way even the feathery touch of a single finger can make him shudder, Gil is not particularly inclined to argue about Rau's plans either way, but the silent promise is alluring enough that he also wouldn't want to.

Without delay, Gil shifts his position so he can lay down sideways on the couch instead of leaning against the backrest. After having had his hands and mouth busy for so long, he feels almost exposed just presenting his naked body and waiting for Rau to take action. His chest is rising and falling intensely, anticipation running through every part of his body like a current. He wants to tell Rau to hurry up, but he doesn't really want to betray his neediness like that. Endless words of love are one thing, begging is another. ]

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