[ That gets a flicker of immediate reaction, a slight clench of Rau's jaw and a slight tightening of Rau's fingers in Gil's hair.
It's aggravating. It's getting to be really aggravating. He can answer deception with a whole beautiful web of lies, respond to every negative emotion with a smile while planning something even darker and wilder, but this earnestness (this fixation on a tomorrow that defies the past and cannot be guaranteed--) wants to get under the gloves, under the skin, under his sense of the world and himself with it. From this vantage point (from this close), it's tempting to retaliate by getting under Gil's skin in return, by biting down on the vulnerable, real-enough skin above the collar, but Gil would just smile self-assuredly and file the non-answer away and ask the same question twenty minutes later.
Lack of hate should be enough. Feeling relatively unguarded, knowing that he can close his eyes without anyone asking dangerous questions about the fact that he wakes up convulsing should be enough. Curiosity, amusement, and general enjoyment should be enough. He likes Gilbert Durandal as well as anything, and that should be enough. Any deeper examination would be calamitous. ]
You kept me alive.
[ He tilts his head and bares his throat fractionally as he says it. Gilbert Durandal has known what he is and what he wants for years, could have slipped him poison instead of medicine at any time for years. Could have revealed what he was doing, could have revealed what he was, could have hurt Rey. He held all of Rau's vulnerabilities for years and did nothing, and that that should be enough.
And even if it wasn't -- he had listened. And Rau will listen in return.
This is as far as he can keep his voice nonchalant. It’s been years since he was this close to anyone, and Gilbert Durandal has gotten under his skin. The rest cracks like a whip. ]
no subject
It's aggravating. It's getting to be really aggravating. He can answer deception with a whole beautiful web of lies, respond to every negative emotion with a smile while planning something even darker and wilder, but this earnestness (this fixation on a tomorrow that defies the past and cannot be guaranteed--) wants to get under the gloves, under the skin, under his sense of the world and himself with it. From this vantage point (from this close), it's tempting to retaliate by getting under Gil's skin in return, by biting down on the vulnerable, real-enough skin above the collar, but Gil would just smile self-assuredly and file the non-answer away and ask the same question twenty minutes later.
Lack of hate should be enough. Feeling relatively unguarded, knowing that he can close his eyes without anyone asking dangerous questions about the fact that he wakes up convulsing should be enough. Curiosity, amusement, and general enjoyment should be enough. He likes Gilbert Durandal as well as anything, and that should be enough. Any deeper examination would be calamitous. ]
You kept me alive.
[ He tilts his head and bares his throat fractionally as he says it. Gilbert Durandal has known what he is and what he wants for years, could have slipped him poison instead of medicine at any time for years. Could have revealed what he was doing, could have revealed what he was, could have hurt Rey. He held all of Rau's vulnerabilities for years and did nothing, and that that should be enough.
And even if it wasn't -- he had listened. And Rau will listen in return.
This is as far as he can keep his voice nonchalant. It’s been years since he was this close to anyone, and Gilbert Durandal has gotten under his skin. The rest cracks like a whip. ]
Look for compliments somewhere else.