[ Gil has been thinking about this for the better part of a decade. The thoughts had only intensified in the last two years. In public: Coworkers in the PLANT administration who remembered Gilbert Durandal's personal friendship with Rau le Creuset and were dying for some more insightful input on Rau's actions during the war. In private: ghosts of little moments in every room they'd ever been in together, and a child with Rau's exact features looking for guidance.
"Why?"
A deceptively simple question. And the simple answer ("I love you. I've loved you for so long.") is not enough, not for either of them.
Gil looks at their connected fingertips as he starts speaking. ]
Because you've intrigued me from the moment I met you. As a scientific achievement, at first. And as a man, very soon after. The reasons for that were quite benign at first. I liked your wit, the way you would challenge me with that condescending glint in your eyes.
Making medicine that suits your unique body was a challenge, but talking to you was always the greater one. It was you who inspired me to look behind the curtain of what was accepted as normal throughout history. You, who hate so much and whose hatred cuts right to the truth at the heart of this world.
I was curious, in truth, to see where you would go. Despite your hatred, despite the constraints of your body, you were living. You were more alive than anybody else. How could I ever take my eyes off you?
[ And with that, he's looking back into the mask's eyes, hoping desperately that Rau is meeting his gaze with the same intensity. He smiles, a little melancholy, and reaches out to brush a strand of Rau's hair out of his face. A hint of a wish to take off the mask, but he won't really commit to that invasion without permission. ]
I'm better for having met you. I would have remained eternally lost, complacent, and uninspired if it hadn't been for you whittling away at all that I've ever believed.
What's between you and me threatens to render me a hypocrite, and still... If my dreams cannot prove to you that someday, somewhere, life can be worth it... then they're meaningless. I chose your life, even at the risk of annihilation, because nothing would have been a greater failure to me than letting you die unfulfilled.
no subject
"Why?"
A deceptively simple question. And the simple answer ("I love you. I've loved you for so long.") is not enough, not for either of them.
Gil looks at their connected fingertips as he starts speaking. ]
Because you've intrigued me from the moment I met you. As a scientific achievement, at first. And as a man, very soon after. The reasons for that were quite benign at first. I liked your wit, the way you would challenge me with that condescending glint in your eyes.
Making medicine that suits your unique body was a challenge, but talking to you was always the greater one. It was you who inspired me to look behind the curtain of what was accepted as normal throughout history. You, who hate so much and whose hatred cuts right to the truth at the heart of this world.
I was curious, in truth, to see where you would go. Despite your hatred, despite the constraints of your body, you were living. You were more alive than anybody else. How could I ever take my eyes off you?
[ And with that, he's looking back into the mask's eyes, hoping desperately that Rau is meeting his gaze with the same intensity. He smiles, a little melancholy, and reaches out to brush a strand of Rau's hair out of his face. A hint of a wish to take off the mask, but he won't really commit to that invasion without permission. ]
I'm better for having met you. I would have remained eternally lost, complacent, and uninspired if it hadn't been for you whittling away at all that I've ever believed.
What's between you and me threatens to render me a hypocrite, and still... If my dreams cannot prove to you that someday, somewhere, life can be worth it... then they're meaningless. I chose your life, even at the risk of annihilation, because nothing would have been a greater failure to me than letting you die unfulfilled.